I met a guy on Tinder, and we went out. I told him that despite my best efforts, I’m usually a big ball of nerves on a first date. Sure enough, that’s what happened. The conversation was awkward, I sounded like an idiot, and there were a lot of awkward pauses. Eventually I told him I was going home because I was tired. I feel like I [bleep]ed this up. Is there any way to salvage this?
—Question via Reddit, edited for length
THREE ANSWERS
Keri Wiginton
Married | 35 | Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | @keriphoto
If you had to tell your date you were tired in order to go home, then it’s possible he viewed the encounter as a good one and you’re being hard on yourself. He might also think you made the excuse up because you weren’t too thrilled with the company. If you have a history of doing better on a second date, then by all means, explain the nerves and ask for another meetup. Think of other situations where you might be more comfortable. It might be good to do something active. You can try mini-golf or rock climbing. If you want some alcohol in the mix, there are bars that cater to fans of board games, pingpong and even shuffleboard.
Shelbie Bostedt
Single | 22 | Digital Content Coordinator for RedEye | @shelbielbostedt
I am the queen of awkward Tinder dates, as much as I hate to admit that. If you feel like you’d be less nervous on the second date, take the leap and ask him out again. If you think you’d be more nervous having to compensate for the first date, maybe let this one go. My long-term advice would be to go on as many first dates as you can. Get that experience under your belt so that when the time comes for you to have a first date with someone you really hit it off with, you’ll shine under that pressure rather than crack. And if this guy is scared off by your bundle-of-nerves-ness, then he’s not the dude for you. As a friend of mine once told me, you don’t want the ones that scare easily, anyway.
Jake Newston
In a relationship | 24 | RedEye designer | @jnewt
I would say awkward is in, right? Sometimes awkward is cute. Also, we are all awkward in our own special way. The other day, one of the most confident people I’ve ever met was frantically texting me while his Tinder date was in the restroom: “I’m on a date. Idk wtf to do. I’m an idiot. It’s going well.” Immediately after the date, he swore he blew it, but they are going on a second date on Friday. Just stop apologizing, bro. Own it! That’s how those awkward, relatable characters get the girl (pardon the expression) at the end of the program—they grow a pair (pardon the expression … again) and own it. I will say this: Tinder is a digitalized version of speed dating. You went on the real thing and maybe it didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you’re dying alone. So swipe right, as they say, and find your Prince Charming.
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