A few days ago, me and my mom had a talk about boyfriends and sex. (I’m 14.) She said don’t do sex and just get a vibrator. I want a vibrator, but I don’t know how to ask. I need advice, and please don’t tell me I’m too young.—Buzzed
Dear Buzzed,
I won’t tell you you’re too young to get a vibrator. Masturbation is healthy and normal and fun. Self-discovery and pleasure are, frankly, something we should be talking about with girls a lot more and a lot sooner. So, yes, please ask for a vibrator.
Your mom already half did the job of it herself, so you’re mostly there. Before you broach the subject again, do a little bit of research on what vibrator you think you might like to try. I recommend you start with something cheap and small, like a bullet vibe. Here’s one from Good Vibrations—it’s $16.
After you’ve done that, all you have to do now is bring the topic up with her again.
“Hey, Mom, remember when you said I should get a vibrator? I think that’s a smart idea, and I’m glad you mentioned it. I looked around online, and this is the one I’m interested in.”
Considering that it was her suggestion, I doubt she’ll say no.
If she does say no, you might wait a few weeks and try again. Emphasize that this will help you explore sexual pleasure in a safe and risk-free way, and does she want you to go out and get knocked up by a stranger out of revenge-spite? (Don’t say that last part.)
If she still says no, that doesn’t mean you can’t work around this.
For one, you can always engage in some hand-to-gland combat without a vibrator. Lots and lots of people masturbate with just their hands, and playing around downtown will probably feel good to you and help you learn what kinds of ways you like to be touched. Here’s a primer.
Or if you have a little cash of your own, you can always go to Target or Walgreens and buy a “back massager.” Even an electric toothbrush will work in a pinch. (Don’t penetrate yourself with them, though, because most vibrating massagers aren’t waterproof, and the materials are hard to clean and sanitize.)
Sex stores require you to be 18 in order to sell you toys, but anyone can buy and jerk off with a back massager BECAUSE AMERICA!
Also, if you found your mom’s “Don’t do sex” conversation shutdown unsatisfactory, head over to Scarleteen.com and read about all the things your mom doesn’t want to talk to you about concerning safety, consent, pleasure and more. It’s not dirty or shameful to educate yourself.
Best of luck, young friend. I hope she comes … around.
Anna Pulley is a RedEye contributor. Got a question of your own? Email redeyedating@gmail.com. Or let her send you overly personal emails here.
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