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Ask Anna: I’ve fallen for someone who’s never dated a girl. Am I being friend-zoned … again?

I met this woman about two months ago on a camping trip and fell head over heels for her. At first it looked like we were flirting a little. But she was with a boyfriend, so to me it was just a game and nothing more. I figured maybe they’re an open couple and if anything happens, it would be fun and that’s it. But then she tells me that she’s been dating him for just a few months and it’s not going to last. After that, we texted a lot, and I ventured one or two sweet and cheesy lines, to which she did not respond, and then I started to notice that she wasn’t writing “xoxo” anymore. We don’t live in the same region, but she visited me once, and we spent two to three days together. The first morning, I saw her arm come around me, so I put my hand on hers, but nothing else happened. I did not make a move. She tells me quite a lot about exes, who are all men, and except for one, they aren’t wonderful love stories. I don’t know if she’s ever been with a woman. I’m falling for her more and want to know if I’m being …
—Friend-Zoned Again

Dear FZA,

This all sounds decidedly friendly to me, I’m afraid. The one-arm, hand-warming cuddle is a teensy bit encouraging, but otherwise, it seems like you’re barking up the wrong tree, FZA. A relationship history consisting only of men? The fact that you don’t live near each other? The part where she doesn’t appear to diverge from the “just friends” vibe? All not encouraging signs.

So. What to do? Honestly, I think you should do nothing. Distance already separates you (I’m not entirely sure how much, but not living in the same “region” doesn’t seem especially promising), and it’s hard enough to start a new relationship long-distance, let alone a relationship with someone who’s potentially never been with a woman before!

Option two is to put your heart on a stick and hold it out to her, dripping and bloody, and see if she wants it.

Or, fine, we don’t have to be gross about it. You can just be like, “Hey, Babely Camping Lady, You can roast my s’mores any day, and I mean that IN A SEXUAL WAY.” And see what she says. She might be flattered, but too besmirched by wang to give a girl a whirl. Or flattered, but uninterested due to aforementioned distance and friend vibes. Or flattered and interested in trying it!

You never know until you put yourself out there.

If you’re going to be bold, do it now rather than later. The reason I say this is because you’re already head over heels for this gal and you barely know her. “But I know HER SOUL, ANNA,” I hear you whisper-screaming. You might, but there are more important things, like, oh I don’t know, her sexual orientation, which you’ve yet to learn. If she says “no thanks” now, you can start getting over her and moving on, and maybe even keeping your friendship intact. If you wait and simmer and send 10,000 more texts and become more and more in love with her, it’s going to be harder for everyone. So, you can either bite the bullet and tell her now, or bite your tongue entirely and find another (closer?) (queerer?) lady to devote your time and attentions to.

Best of luck.