Recovering from an addiction is anything but easy.
David Cohen was 24 years old and a college dropout when he sought treatment for heroin. His parents didn’t trust him. He had to find new friends because the old ones were using.
“Basically, I’m alone, lost, afraid and I have no identity, and a lot of my feelings are negative and my coping strategy is gone so I have no way to deal,” he said. Cohen, a recovering addict for 18 years, now works as the vice president of substance use and co-occurring disorders at Insight Behavioral Health Centers in Chicago.
Since September is National Recovery Month, RedEye wanted to highlight personal stories and share real-life experiences and challenges about the journey to recovery for various addictions.
The upcoming Unite to Face Addiction rally on Oct. 4 in Washington D.C., featuring musical performances from Steven Tyler and Sheryl Crow, is focused on raising awareness of the addiction crisis and standing up for the 22 million Americans struggling with a substance use disorder addiction and the 23 million Americans in recovery.
Recovery is not just about abstaining from substances or behaviors, but much more such as dealing with emerging feelings of shame, regret, sadness and anger that surface, evaluating who’s good for them and who’s not, and learning how to communicate to others that they are in recovery, Cohen said.
“If I stop using and continue to hang out with the same people and continue to hang out in the same situations and not manage my other symptoms like mental health or physical health, there’s a very good chance I’m going to return to use,” he added.
“If, though, I look at addiction as being a holistic recovery process, much more than just the drug of choice and put a recovery program together that involves other people and other professional people and keep it first in my life at all times – even today 18 years later – I have a very good chance of recovery.”
Some people relapse. Addiction is a disease that requires daily management, Cohen said.
“Every 24-hour period an addict has drug and alcohol free or behavior free is a gift. No matter what else happened that day, they can be proud that they didn’t use that day,” he said.
Here are the stories of people in the Chicago area who have confronted their addiction.
Alcohol addiction: Hannah C., 25, Humboldt Park
How did your addiction start? I’d have to say I began showing signs of addictive behavior and depression at a very young age, somewhere around four or five. I started drinking when I was thirteen. When you’re that young, you’re more likely than not to black out, but that never really stopped for me as I got older.
How long has your addiction negatively impacted your life? The moment I started drinking, really. Parents don’t really like their kids coming home wasted.
When did you notice it was a problem and what led you to that realization? It wasn’t until around my 24th birthday. I had completely alienated myself, I lived alone, so I would get plastered every night. I just drank and then I began to cut myself, because alcohol stopped being enough to cover up my depression. I knew it wasn’t normal and that I needed help, but my destructive behavior went on for a while.
How did you seek help? I met another alcoholic at school, we were/are really good friends. We would get drunk and talk about being alcoholics and laugh about it. She offered to take me to a meeting and I accepted. I didn’t think much of it going in, but once people started talking, I heard my story in every single person. I just burst into tears because I knew I had to be there and it was such a terrifying realization.
How many times did you try to get help? I didn’t take [Alcoholics Anonymous] very seriously at first. I’d put a few days or a month together then go out again and that went on for about nine months. I had this delusion that going to meetings was controlling how much I would drink. I only seriously started seeking help from AA last November. I really didn’t want to be an alcoholic, especially an alcoholic in AA.
What helps prevent you from relapsing? What’s helping right now, desperation to stay sober and other alcoholics. I have met some of the most amazing people in AA. I know they would do anything for me and I would do anything for them. I owe my life to these people. They taught me how to say “hello,” how to look people in the eye, how to hold my head high and walk through life with grace and serenity.
What’s one thing someone has done for you that helped with your recovery? I had met this woman briefly once before and I ran into her at a meeting on my first day sober after a rough bender. I told her my situation and she took me home to stay with her and her boyfriend for a week to get my feet on the ground. She didn’t even know me. She showed so much compassion and love to this total stranger. She saved my life.
What has helped you most in your recovery? Talking to people. I’ve always had really low self esteem and just assumed everyone would hate me, which people did for a long time because I was so depressed, I was such a drag to be around. But the more I spoke up at meetings, the more people would come up to me and tell me something similar that had happened to them or say something really encouraging, so I began feeling more comfortable in my own skin.
How would you encourage someone who is struggling with addiction? You do not have to keep doing this to yourself. Life is really scary and hard right now, but you do not have to do it alone. No matter who you are or where you come from, there are people who know what you’re going through and can help you through this. You are worth it. Reach out, get to a meeting, just take that first step and someone will be there to meet you.
Heroin addiction: Steven L., 27, Vernon Hills
How did your addiction start? I had an addictive personality since childhood. I discovered weed and alcohol when I was 17. I battled addiction to multiple drugs prior to trying heroin. I was sober for a while then relapsed and a “friend” told me he could get Special K (a tranquilizer with some psychedelic effects) and I agreed to trying it. I liked the feeling of what I had tried and began using it more often. I actually found out it was heroin about a month after continuously using it. That began my addiction to heroin.
How long has your addiction negatively impacted your life? I tried heroin first when I was 18 and have had multiple stints of sobriety and periods of use. Although it took me to dark places and caused me to do things I would never normally approve of or even consider, I feel like I am a way different person (in a good way) than I would be had I not been addicted. I have so many opportunities to help people, make connections, meet people, and learned how to help myself.
When did you notice it was a problem and what led you to that realization? I basically knew I had a problem at a young age. I went to rehab for cocaine use at age 15 and since then I knew I did not use drugs like a normal person. I could tell I used to feel better and I felt cravings for drugs. Those around me seemed to use but they seemed to be able to stop when needed, and I could not.
How did you seek help? I went to rehab 10 times at all different rehabs. I mostly went to well-respected (and very expensive) rehabs because my family was well to do and I had insurance. When [I got] older, I did not have that support because of my actions, so I went to the Salvation Army Recovery Center off of Clybourn in Chicago. This saved my life.
How many times did you try to get help? I have tried probably two dozen times. Sometimes I tried by going to rehab and other times I tried on my own or just by going to 12-step programs.
What helps prevent you from relapsing? I used 12-step groups, support from my friends and family, I speak at local high schools and public forums, I try to help other addicts when I can, and I use medication also. I get a monthly injection of Vivitrol (an opiate blocker) as extra defense.
What’s one thing someone has done for you that helped with your recovery? The first thing that comes to my mind is the help and support of my family and girlfriend of eight years. Without them, I think it is likely I would not be alive right now. They visited me every opportunity they had, they helped pay for rehabs, they gave me moral support, and most of all they kept loving me and did not give up hope.
What has helped you most in your recovery? I think helping other people (not just addicts) is what helps me most. During my use I was selfish and didn’t care about others. I try to be the exact opposite and help people any opportunity I get.
How would you encourage someone who is struggling with addiction? Most of all, when you are struggling badly, you are at this very difficult crossroad. You cannot imagine continuing on drugs, but simultaneously you cannot imagine not doing drugs. In my experience, this is an illusion due to being addicted to the drug. Once you get a month or two of sobriety, you look back and cannot believe you felt like you actually wanted to keep going only a short time ago. Ask for help and soon you will see and feel how different life can be. It seems impossible but actually using drugs every day is much harder than being sober, not to mention tremendously rewarding. I just wanted to say to all addicts (sober and struggling) that you have an amazing opportunity that only few people are entrusted with. Normally to save someone’s life you must go to school for a long time and become a doctor. Just by being an addict you have the chance to literally save other addicts’ lives. Get sober and help someone who was like you. Any addict will listen to you and your advice over anyone else. Don’t let your ability to save someone’s life go wasted. Make your addiction something to be grateful for; not something you regret. Good luck to all and just know it is not impossible like it seems.
Gambling addiction: Ben W., 29, Edgebrook
How did your addiction start? As soon as I understood the concept of purchasing power of money, I was completely enthralled with the power of getting something for nothing. It was [at] about age 11-12, when I saw the value of sports trading cards. Buying packs was the earliest form of gambling.
How long has your addiction negatively impacted your life? 19-20 years, as soon as I understood the possible gain, I ignored the risk associated.
When did you notice it was a problem and what led you to that realization? Probably high school when I would gamble on pool after school with friends and be willing to go double-or-nothing without risk of the consequences.
How did you seek help? Therapy did nothing. Eventually I broke down, was suicidal over the losses, had stolen from my parents, and was forced to go to Gamblers Anonymous.
How many times did you try to get help? I continued to gamble for the first three years in GA, absent small stints of non-gambling because I lacked the money. There was no commitment to any plan/program of recovery.
What helps prevent you from relapsing? The concept of a day at a time. I am totally non-religious, but the live-in-the-moment perspective is crucial to not allowing thoughts of future problems cloud current judgment.
What’s one thing someone has done for you that helped with your recovery? Another GA member in the same profession (attorney) has explained the degree of harm that would seem irreparable, but in time can be corrected. Everyone thinks they’re the worst, but only one person can be truly correct.
What has helped you most in your recovery? My parents. I am lucky to have come from an upper-middle class family. If I were less fortunate, I would be in prison. They had patience and perspective on a subject they know nothing about personally, which was nothing short of amazing.
How would you encourage someone who is struggling with addiction? It is totally up to the addict. People telling somebody what to do will more likely result in the opposite result. Addicts are defiant by nature. Like a wild animal, do not approach, let them trust you. Then they can be helped.
You can find our coverage of addiction online and in print every Wednesday this year. As ever, we’d like to hear your feedback. If you want us to consider sharing your stories related to addiction in our publication, please send them to redeye@redeyechicago.com with “Addiction” in the subject line.
