Forbidden fruit: Is it worth the chase?

When I think back on the most embarrassing and cringe-worthy spots of my dating history, I find a common thread: I was chasing after someone who didn't want me.

Or, at least, who didn't want me anymore.

At some point in our lives, we all desire someone we can't have. I've had particular trouble with chasing after women with whom I truly didn't want to go the distance--simply because they rejected me.

Working to win back an estranged love of my life would have been one thing, but attempts to reclaim the attention of these women were just reflections of my bruised ego.

I remember the first time it happened: I was dating a woman for about six weeks, and everything seemed to be moving toward starting a relationship ... except that there were huge red flags.

She was generally not very talkative, and she closed me off to her feelings. I wasn't feeling the proverbial butterflies with this lady, but also I strongly considered whether I had any real future with her. Then she made the decision for me.

When she essentially abandoned ship, I began focusing on her positive traits and ignored the things that drove me nuts about her. I then overcompensated in my attempts to try to win her back. I'm fairly certain I freaked her out and pushed her further away in the process.

Another time, I found myself driving through the northwest suburbs at night, pleading on the phone with a woman I'd only been dating for a couple weeks. I saw her as someone with whom to have a fun night on the town--but probably not to settle down.

When she broke off our relationship, I responded as if I was trying to win over my future wife.

In these situations--not plentiful but definitely impactful--I've said things to the women that I'm too embarrassed to repeat here. And that's bad because I normally write about anything.

The gravity of my spastic responses didn't hit me until I wound up on the opposite end: A woman I wanted for the longest time wouldn't take part in the relationship I wanted; that is, until I started dating someone else. Only then did she put on a full-court press for me.

Every female friend of mine has informed me that woman was doing just what I had done: working overtime to claim the forbidden fruit she could no longer bite.

My friend Nicole said if I actually were open to this woman's advances, she probably would not follow through because she didn't actually want me.

The situation reminded me of a theory held by another friend, Lisa: If a courtship has to be as complicated as a chase, it's probably not worth it.

And she's right. During the time you spend chasing after someone you can't get, you could be missing out on a partner who's willing to open her heart to you.

I think my bad dating experiences had to happen to allow me to grow and become more mature. And it took that growth for me to reach the point where I can say that I will never again act like a lovelorn idiot when circumstances don't permit.