www.redeyechicago.com/news/redeye-talking-with-a-foreplay-expert-20120815,0,234679.story

redeyechicago.com

Calling Dr. Love

By Matt Lindner, For RedEye

11:29 AM CDT, August 17, 2012

Advertisement

It should come as no surprise that a man who refers to a woman's menses as "Shark Week" is totally cool with other men asking for sex on the first date.

Kevin Chmura, a.k.a. self-described foreplay expert/professional playboy Spencer Burnett, explained the key is putting it in context.

"Within the first date, it is completely acceptable and possible to tell a girl 'I want to (have sex with) you. I want to (have sex with) you silly,'" he said. "Only as long as you have the same permission to say 'I think I'm in love with you. We might get married some day.'"

Burnett, a gregarious 29-year-old Rogers Park resident who could pass for a younger Johnny Knoxville, is one of a growing number of coaches helping improve Chicagoans' dating and sex lives. For $1,000 a month over a three month span, he'll work with his "Spencer boys" and "Spencer-ettes" to teach them how they can become more successful in their personal lives.

It's money his clients say pays off handsomely in the bedroom.

"Absolutely," a client named Jeff said laughing. "It's overwhelming, it's really not a question."

The 31-year-old Rogers Park resident, who like every other person associated with Burnett that RedEye spoke with for this story asked that we not print his last name or occupation, has paid Burnett around $5,000 in retainer fees.

For him initially, it wasn't necessarily as much about getting in a girl's pants so much as it was getting into her life.

"For me, it was about taking a girl who was interested in me after two or three dates and keeping her interested in me," Jeff said. "Since I started working with him, it's at the point where I have to cut off relationships with girls that I'm not interested in so I can pursue other girls."

Burnett, himself a community college dropout, said he was able to leave his full-time job in the fitness industry about a year and a half ago thanks to a steady stream of word-of-mouth referrals from guys like Jeff.

 "I really don't stick with guys for more than three months because if you're not getting it, it's not going to happen," he said.

As we're sitting in the dimly lit bar area at J. Parker, the Hotel Lincoln's new roofop bar, his phone consistently buzzes with clients asking him questions or sending him updates on their lives as his longtime girlfriend -- yes, the professional playboy has a main squeeze of over a year -- makes small talk. His cameraman, a recent college graduate named Eric, films his every move in preparation for a documentary he's pitching to entertainment industry executives. Later this month, he'll be speaking to business students at the University of Chicago about subliminal influence and the way relationships play a part in everyday business.

His goal?

"To teach people the skill of communication and likability and if you go a little bit deeper, it's the skill of rapport, is the most important thing in the world," he said.

In Burnett's world, regardless of who he's dealing with, the first step to a better personal life is to stop overthinking situations and let your guard down. Self-confidence is a large part of the equation as well, even if it does come across as being crass at times.

"We need to be able to talk to women sexually without being able talk at them sexually," he said. "A lot of times when I go out with my boys, I'll show them how I'll get a girl to start talking about 'how do you masturbate,' " before launching into a rather graphic list of descriptors of that particular act not suited for a family newspaper.

And lest you think strange women aren't necessarily receptive to a stranger approaching them in a bar to ask them about their self-pleasuring habits, you'd be wrong.

"I don't think I've ever been slapped," he said.

Burnett's training sessions include taking his clients out to a variety of places, including non-traditional meeting places such as pharmacies and turtle races at places like Joe's Bar in Lincoln Square, and giving them exercises designed to get them to come out of their shell socially.

"Most guys' problem is not that they need to learn, it's that they need to unlearn all of the [BS] that they've been told, that they think works, that they think they need to do to impress women," he said.  "The hardest place to pick up a girl is at a nightclub. It's funny--the more slutty they dress, the less receptive they are to being hit on."

So what's a session with him like?

"It really depends on what you're going through in life because that's like saying what's a one-on-one session with your doctor like," Jeff said. "It really depends on what your specific areas of need would be."

As for the foreplay aspect of his job, Burnett said that while he does teach physical technique, he would rather his clients take care of their partners' emotional well-being first.

"I teach men how to create a story for women, that story that next morning where she calls her girlfriends and she can't believe what just happened," he said. "At the end of the day, the orgasm, the technique, that's not what it's about. It's about the experience."


Related: See Burnett's top first date spots.

Matt Lindner is a RedEye special contributor. | @mattlindner