30 things to do before you read another list of 30 things to do before you're 30

Look, I'm not decrying lists of helpful advice dispensed by people you've never met before. All I'm saying is that their advice sucks and that mine doesn't. The following list will definitely change your life and bring you all the happiness in the world...or it won't. Read it anyway.




  1. Realize that you probably don't know crap about money: I can tell you with absolute certainty that I was financially incompetent for the first 26 years of my life. Don't be like me. Learn about savings, mutual funds, IRAs, retirement accounts. Get Mint, Quickbooks, or whatever you need. #SaveMoney. Ask someone who knows what they're talking about to help you. (Note: Your cousin who owns a landscaping business isn't the best source)
  2. Go to the damn dentist.
  3. Realize that you don't have to be rich and powerful to be privledged. Realize that your privledge may be hindering how you look at the world.
  4. You don't have to like the Beatles just because everyone else does.
  5. Listen to/dress/watch whatever the hell you want to. No one cares. No, seriously.
  6. Stop treating politics/religious affiliations like high school cliques. You don't have to subscribe to just one way of doing anything. It's ok to believe other stuff.
  7. Acknowledge that you're staying with him/her because your life is boring.
  8. That thing where you apologize for liking something? Stop that. Who are you apologizing to?
  9. Run.
  10. Resist the urge to talk to everyone about running.
  11. Assess your fears. Remember how you used to be scared of the Boogeyman and then one day you realized that it wasn't real? Youre doing that right now with something in your current life.
  12. If you haven't started smoking yet, don't. You missed the boat.
  13. Buy one pair of expensive jeans. Live in them.
  14. Realize that the "being an adult" thing is advertising. You freak out because you don't have "nice" things in your house. Let it go. Adulthood is when you take on priorities and responsibilites that aren't solely focused on you. There are kids in Chatham right now who are more adult than you will be at 60. Calm down.
  15. If you work hard, invest in a nice place to live.
  16. Celebrities are almost always going to be disappointing when you finally meet them. Act accordingly.
  17. Eat the whole damn thing.
  18. Forgive. 
  19. Compete. Compete. Compete.
  20. Be able to fix one thing with your hands in every room in your house.
  21. Dance. Dance. Dance.
  22. Go without eating meat for one day a week. If you want to add more days, do so. You'll be fine.
  23. Learn at least 3 card games. Make sure at least one of them can be played with drinks.
  24. Go to a casino. Blow $60 bucks. Think nothing of it.
  25. Acknowledge that there doesn't always have to be a "responsible" one in the group.
  26. Commit to something. That doesn't mean you have to get married.
  27. Don't be scared to say "I love you" first.
  28. Realize that being single doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. 
  29. Realize that if you're dating a lot of losers, it might be you.
  30. For the love of God, let high school go. 

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