By Ernest Wilkins @ernestwilkins
7:54 AM CDT, July 23, 2013
Kate Middleton has given birth to a child. That child (hopefully) has 10 fingers, 10 toes, two eyes and will grow up to be healthy.
That being said, I don't give a flying [bleep] about that baby and neither should you. The American obsession with the Royal Family is silly at best and escapist Prince Charming syndrome on steroids at worst. I would now like to suggest 10 things we should be discussing instead of this damn kid.
1. People at parties who open a beer only to take one or two sips and then set it down and how to punish them.
2. The fact that we're going to get a live-action Batman/Superman movie in the next five years.
3. Drake's upcoming album "Nothing Was the Same" and the fact that it might be a classic.
4. The NBA regaining the Charlotte Hornets franchise name (and hopefully those teal outfits).
5. A major American city just declared for bankruptcy and all we're doing is making "Robocop" jokes.
6. Figuring out a way to compensate college athletes (or making a solid argument against it using actual stats, not the phrase "they get an education." Like that means anything of substance anymore. Speaking of, your little brother isn't on Year 6 at Northern now, is he?).
7. How to save Chicago's schools.
8. How to save Chicago's neighborhoods.
9. Why people prefer fries over tater tots.
Hell, I'd rather talk about the post-Michael Scott era of “The Office," the subtle brilliance of frozen kefir or even how to get kicked in the junk and not want to cry for a week before I want to talk about another baby moonwalking out of the womb into a life of privilege.
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