Threesome Advice Panel: My SO is always late. How can I ask them to fix it?

My significant other is constantly late for everything. At first I didn't mind, but it really started to bug me. I just feel like it's disrespectful to agree upon a time and just show up late, especially when it's so constant. When I bring it up, the reply is something along the lines of "I'm just always late and I don't like to rush. Deal with it." Is there a better way to let my SO know that I really don't like waiting for a half hour at a time? Am I being too whiney? —Question via Reddit

THREE ANSWERS

Jake Newton

In a relationship | 24 | RedEye designer | @jnewt

One of the few (lol jk) blessings of living with my girlfriend is knowing her routines. It can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours (give or take a few minutes for her to check her Instagram feed) once she gets in the shower until the time we're walking out the door. She is someone who would relate to the “I don’t like to rush” sentiment. I am someone who is always early. If I am not on schedule, I'll figure out a way to make up the time. In that dynamic, there’s a point where have to accept the fact that your significant other is not as devoted to keeping time as you might be. That being said, if your person is perpetually late, it shows a lack of respect for your own schedule, and that's not acceptable in any relationship. If that's the case, don't even bother buying them a watch. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes ‘cuz, honey, you should be single! 

Shelbie Bostedt

Single | 23 | RedEye online content coordinator | @shelbielbostedt

It all starts with figuring out why your SO being late bothers you. If it's literally just annoying that they're late, my first piece of advice would be to tell them that everything is 30 minutes earlier than it actually is, but that doesn’t fix the underlying issue of you feeling upset. If it bothers you for other reasons, I would maybe explain to your SO that it’s less about being on time and more about them not respecting YOUR time. When it’s less about timeliness and more about how it makes you feel, they can’t argue that it isn’t a problem.

Michelle Lopez

Married | 32 | RedEye digital editor | @michelleglopez

You have every right to be fed up with this. We all know someone who unapologetically lives this late AF lifestyle. It is super frustrating that they don’t see this as a blatant disregard for your time. Saying “deal with it” is a pretty crummy way of actually dealing with this issue. No one likes to rush before heading out. It’s time for them to grow up and manage their time better. If your SO knows it’s going to take them over an hour to get ready, then they should plan accordingly. If they still refuse to change, well, then you can always adapt. Factor those 30 minutes into your arrival time. If your date is at 7 p.m., just tell yourself it’s at 7:30 p.m. Maybe one of those times, your SO will actually show up on time, and they’ll be the one to wait and see that it’s not so fun to wait around.

Thanks for reading "Threesome." Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it's a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word "Threesome" in the subject line.

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