I know, I know: the Oscars are bullshit, and we hate them. Nevertheless, I can’t help but point out that “Argo” was not even close to the best movie of 2012. At best, it was an entertaining historical romp with some decent humor and an eye-rolling Hollywoodized ending.
And Ang Lee winning Best Director for “Life of Pi”? When my buddy KDoe and I saw “Life of Pi” together we were looking around the theater to see if someone was playing a joke on us. Second grade religious philosophy and a few computer-animated visuals (now available in virtually any film that appears in a theater, so I’m not sure why we’re associating the words “stunning” with anything in a movie anymore) does not a decent film make.
We all know Clooney and Affleck were strong-arming and schmoozing their way to victory, and I get that the Oscars are more popularity contest than actual critique of the year’s films, but still. The sheer obviousness of how much more interesting and entertaining basically any of the other nominees were can’t be overlooked. Specifically, I’ll target “Django Unchained,” which was actually daring, bold, and stuffed with brilliant performances. “Zero Dark Thirty,” despite having a huge potential historical asterisk beside it, at least wrestled with some of the more charged political questions of our time, and “Silver Linings Playbook” had actors chewing apart scenery like Great Whites with chum in the water.
Anyway, this pointless grumbling about Oscar winners would not be complete without pointing out that the actual telecast itself was the least entertaining in recent memory. Seth MacFarlane stepped over the inch-high bar that had been set for him, but that’s about it. We all had to sit through a James Bond retrospective in case people couldn’t catch it on AMC at 1 a.m. On the other hand, the snarkfest on Twitter almost blew up the internet, which was fun.
Oh, and musicals are terrible. If you want to watch musicals go to the Tonys. I hate you, Hugh Jackman.
Bright spots include: Daniel Day-Lewis, D2L, taking Best Actor. D2L is on another level than every other actor alive. He’s the LeBron James of acting. It’s almost not fair because he’s playing a different game. Also, Tarantino taking Best Original Screenplay (not a crowded category since Hollywood is mostly consumed with making Spider-Man remakes and adapting the tween book of the moment) and Jennifer Lawrence, who is like a ray of babe coming down from the heavens: What. A. Babe. Baberham Lincoln, Babe: Babe in the City, Zero Babe Thirty, Babes of the Southern Wild. Just elect me president of the J-Law fan club right now.
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