Of course.

Of course Ohio State football would go undefeated this season, the one year they’re ineligible for a BCS bowl game. Of course they can’t play this postseason—the first year they’d be playing for a National Championship since 2007. Obviously. Why wouldn’t this happen?

Of course, Ohioans have all kinds of other great sports stuff to look forward to this season, from the Browns smashmouth season of 3-9 brilliance to the Cavaliers rip-roaring 3-10 start, so it’s not like this is my only chance to watch a team I root for actually score more points than the team they oppose in any given contest (okay, there is 3rd-ranked Ohio State basketball, but you know what I mean).

And I know it’s utterly pointless and pissy to whine about this, but it’s more the nature of the Buckeye’s penalty that bothers me. This scab got picked when Jim Tressel and the 2002 National Championship team showed up at the last game of the year against Michigan. Tressel got a standing O, as he should have, and everyone got reminded about what total bullshit his “scandal” was.

After all, Ohio State will not be playing in the National Championship against Notre Dame because Tressel lied or covered up the whole Terrelle Pryor et al tattoos-for-signatures deal. However, I don’t even view his lie as an unethical act. The NCAA’s rules governing the economic activity of players are the biggest farce in American sports. I view Tressel’s “lies” as the equivalent of going to confession and failing to mention that I frequently have vulgar, disgusting pre-marital sex with body fluids ending up in all kinds of places the Catholic Church never intended, and even when they do end up where the Catholic Church intended, my partner and I exterminate any possibility of blossoming life with some vicious contraceptives.

In other words, if a rule exists that is so obtuse, so obviously stupid, I refuse to fault anyone for breaking that rule or lying about it for expediency. This doesn’t just apply to Jim Tressel. I feel the same way about marijuana dealers and every gay or lesbian who ever got kicked out of the military.

Anyway, that was a bit of a breathless rant, but in the post-Sandusky era, it just gets my goat that my team’s “scandal” was initiated when the star quarterback logically decided that trading his signature for a tattoo was a perfectly fine and legitimate exchange that would have been viewed normally by every civilization from ancient Sumeria to the Stalin-era Soviet Union with the exception of high-profile NCAA athletics.

Possibly the worst part is that for whatever reason I have more friends who are Notre Dame fans then seems logically possible, and if they win the National Championship, I’ll be hearing about it for at least the next decade. Then again, an Alabam win might be exponentially more insufferable.

Asterisk, anyone?