On Syria, Liberal Interventionism, and The Onion

Like every other college-educated urban white person, I love The Onion. Its satire sometimes feels like everything that's left of the guiding light of civilization.

Happy 400 ppm Week!

Happy 400 ppm week! What’d you get me?

'Back to the Future' or modern reality?

I've come up with a theory that will almost undoubtedly end with me winning a Nobel Prize. No big deal.

Things I'd Rather Do Than See 'Gatsby'

When I heard about Baz Luhrmann’s remake of “The Great Gatsby” a bubble of bile rose up in my throat. The director of such opulent visual messes as “Moulin Rouge” and “Australia” bringing to the big screen F. Scott Fitzgerald’s melancholy meditation on...

3 Reasons the Bulls Should Not Play Derrick Rose

Here in Chicago, sports talk has become consumed by snide disdain for star point guard Derrick Rose as he remains on the bench during the playoffs while the Bulls hobble on after an impressive if battering series against the Brooklyn Nets. Now that they’re playing LeBron James and the Heat,...

Baby Alien Skeleton Totally Freaking Me Out

So I was perusing Weather.com trying to figure out if it was going to be 85 or 43 degrees in Chicago on a given day, and what should I happen upon but this story about an “alien-looking skeleton” that...

Hey, Sandra Day O'Connor, All's Forgiven!

Hey, former Supreme Court Justice of the United States, Sandra Day O’Connor, I just wanted to say thank you so much for your recent interview with the Chicago Tribune’s...

Weird, Awesome Stuff About 'Tales of Iceland'

As if I have to give you multiple reasons to buy the weird, hilarious, off-kilter travelogue I just published called “Tales of Iceland,” there are a few very...

'Tales of Iceland' Now Available

Today is the day, people: “Tales of Iceland or Running with the Huldufólk in the Permanent Daylight” is now available from nascent media empire GiveLiveExplore.

We didn't elect the sex police

As the battle for marriage equality ratchets up, one of the treasured conservative counter arguments is that allowing gays and lesbians to marry will lead down a slippery slope to polygamy. Cool!

'Mad Men', 'Breaking Bad,' and the Race for the Best Show of Its Era

It seems to me that we should stop defining eras by presidents and begin defining them by the best and/or (possibly) most influential television show.

Would You Rather Give Up Sex or Cheese?

I was having a beer with an old friend from college, and somehow this hypothetical question came up: if you had to give up either sex or cheese for the rest of your life, which would it be?

How to Survive Denialism

This past weekend I drank a bottle of wine and watched the harrowing Oscar-nominated documentary “How to Survive a Plague,” which chronicles the story of AIDS activists in the late Eighties and early Nineties. (Normally, I reserve my bottle-of-wine-drinking-solo-movie nights for...

The Markley TV Club: Final Season of 'West Wing'

My roommate Pat and I recently, for some reason, watched the final season of “The West Wing” together on Netflix, which produced a number of arguments, speculations, and asides that I have compiled in an e-mail exchange for the inaugural edition of The Markley TV Club. I realize...

Some of My Most Spectacular Hate Mail Yet

Over the years, I’ve been lucky enough to receive some pretty spectacular hate mail. However, what I’ve noticed is that people will never get more offended than by the stuff I’m saying the least seriously, with my tongue most obviously in cheek, that has the least relevance to...

No, College Basketball is Not Better Than the NBA

After very much enjoying this year’s National Championship game in which Louisville defeated Michigan, I figured out exactly why: it looked like an NBA playoff game.

Can You Be Pro-Women and Still Think Sheryl Sandberg is a Tool?

Can you be for female empowerment in the workplace, believe there is an unjust double standard for women in every aspect of life from assertiveness to sexuality, observe Equal Pay Day and generally be just feminist as f*** while still thinking Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO and author of “...

I Am the Worst: Locked in the Bathroom Edition

Strange things sometimes happen to me, and my mother recently reminded me of where this particular curse-blessing (a curse because they often suck, but a blessing because then I can write about them) may have originated.

Mike Rice is the Norm, Not the Exception

Not to defend Douche Bag Supreme Mike Rice, former coach of the Rutgers men’s basketball team, who was fired after a video surfaced showing him...

Watch This Video of Me Reading From 'Tales of Iceland'

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Oh shucks, Markley debuted his new travel book 'Tales of Iceland or "Running with the Huldufolk in the Permanent Daylight"' at Essay Fiesta, and I missed it because I was icing a cake." (Or some other activity that you might have been doing).

In Defense of Political Calculation

I’ve been mulling over a recent column by Gawker’s Hamilton Nolan in which he excoriates politicians and pundits over their cowardice. He uses the examples of Democratic and liberal support in the lead-up to...

The Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

I don’t normally use my massive platform as a cultural and political force here at the 16th highest trafficked blog at RedEye to stick it to individual companies. After all, in the pursuit of a reliable and profitable business, all companies make mistakes. New Coke, Starbury...

Climate Change Spells Doom for the Middle East

As President Obama makes his first stop in Israel on his much-touted trip to the Middle East, I think it's appropriate to place the generations of strife in that region into an environmental context. No matter what happens between Israel and Palestine or Syria or Iran, no matter what happens in Iraq...

What the Stuebenville Case Teaches Us

Ever since the news broke of the Steubenville sexual assault case, in which two high school football players, Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond, raped an unconscious girl at a party, I’ve been trying to place that story in some kind of context.

Who Ya Got? (For March Madness, Stupid, What Else?)

As anyone who even remotely follows college basketball understands, no one knows anything about what will happen in this year’s NCAA tournament. Total crapshoot even for a tournament that’s intended to be a crapshoot.

'Tales of Iceland' to Debut at Essay Fiesta

In a previous post, I mentioned that I would soon be debuting new shit. Well, that new shit, I’m happy to report, is almost here, and you can get a sneak peak this Monday at Essay Fiesta at the Book Cellar in Lincoln Square.

Ryan Budget Makes for Great Unintentional Satire

You know how these popular political shows like “Scandal” and “House of Cards” are always trying to keep the hokey out of their political characters? For instance, my roommate is obsessed with re-watching “The West Wing” on Netflix right now, and it got me...

Is the Wildly Entertaining 'Book of Mormon' Also Kinda Vapid?

I just saw the super-ultra-atmosphere-piercing smash hit musical “The Book of Mormon” and had two conflicting feelings about it. Yes, it’s entertaining, clever, and funny as hell, but also, has anyone noticed, that much like some of the lazier “South Park” episodes, its...

The Floor Mattress is No More

One of my calling cards as a writer and human being is that through all these years my stock has soared here in Chicago, I have remained a man who sleeps on nothing but a mattress placed directly on the floor. Otherwise known as a “floor mattress.”

I Can't Get Enough of the Harlem Shake

I’ll admit it, and I don’t care who knows it: I’m digging the everloving shit out of these Harlem Shake videos.

Rodman Somehow Manages Weirdest Sports Story of the Year

Color me impressed.

My Story of the Fantastically Unimpressive Bob Woodward

'Friday Night Lights' Made Me Feel Emotions

We seem to be on an entertainment streak this week, so this seemed as good a time as any to collect my thoughts on the bygone NBC cult hit “Friday Night Lights.” I’m terrified to report that throughout my viewing of all five seasons, I felt unusual things. I’m told these...

Let the Michael Jordan-LeBron James Rivalry Begin

Someone has to say this: Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball ever, fears LeBron James. And LeBron James, his closest rival for that distinction, is definitely gunning for him.

'House of Cards' Hammy, Addictive

It may be impossible to write a drama about politics that doesn’t come off as ham-handed, over-the-top, and laughable. This is probably because actual politics reverberate with mundane news-cycle non-events, punctuated by overseas disasters and domestic high school snippiness and gossip-...

Two Lamest Movies Take Top Oscar Honors

I know, I know: the Oscars are bullshit, and we hate them. Nevertheless, I can’t help but point out that “Argo” was not even close to the best movie of 2012. At best, it was an entertaining historical romp with some decent humor and an eye-rolling Hollywoodized ending.

Epic, Half-Realized, Wildly Swirling Thoughts on Obama, Poverty, Politics, Guns, Chicago, Being a White Guy, the Secret Service, and Little Old Lady Laughs

President Barack Hussein Obama came to Chicago last Friday to give a speech at Hyde Park Academy on the South Side, and I went to write about it.

The Ins and Outs of an Icelandic Porn Ban

Being not exactly an Iceland expert but at least a guy who’s been to Iceland and read a lot about it, I feel as though I must weigh in on the country’s proposed ban of internet pornography.

Dear, Marco Rubio: 2Pac Would Hate You

Has a modern political party ever shoved a guy center stage so hastily? Has a party ever pushed more of their chips into the pot based on one hand? Has anybody even bothered to point out that Marc Rubio perfectly embodies the white conservative critique of affirmative action hires?

Breaking Down the Bar Line Ecosystem

As an astute anthropological observer of the bar scene ecosystem, I find there’s no more curious, frustrating or irrational a phenomenon than the ultra-long bar line. To be sure, normally I am not the type of person to wait in an ultra-long bar line because to do so is a stupid waste of time.