>>Ginger ale

>>Orange juice

>>Club soda

13. There ain't no shame in going to a bar by yourself. Bring that book you've been meaning to finish.

14. Wristband deals aren't ever worth it.

15. Neither is the free food buffet.

16. If you're still patronizing the same bar you've been going to since (insert one-hit wonder that was popular when you were 21 here) was relevant, stop.

17. Weddings = ragers. If your close friend is the one getting married, rage harder. If you're in the wedding party, rage hardest. (Don't get sick.)

18. If you hook up with someone only when both of you are drinking, then you aren't "dating." Sorry.

19. You don't have to take the Malort shot ...

20. ... unless you've never had it before. Then you have to take the Malort shot.

21. Stop drinking booze endorsed by rappers and reality stars. It won't make you cooler. You know that.

22. Drink with your parents. Better yet, drink with your friends' parents.

23. If you have a party, I don't care what you have to do, but there better be some music at that party.

24. The person who brought the Jagermeister is the one who ruined your bathroom rug.

25. When you go on vacation, factor hangover time into your activities. You won't be hiking that canyon—who do you think you're kidding?

Take these lessons to heart, friends. Especially with Blackout Wednesday on the horizon. Nobody wants to be the person still hung over at Thanksgiving dinner.

Ernest Wilkins is Chicago's wingman.


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