Holiday fare gets updated treatment

'Twas one cold December eve
He went to O'Hare
With a handgun, ammo too!
Hidden near his underwear!

Then all of Donne's rivals
Shouted out with wacky glee,
Donne, the pistol packer
You won't get the victory!

 

Frosty the Snowman

Frosty the Snowman
Was as grumpy as a grinch
Cause there was no snow
In old Chee-caw-go
And he was a melting mensch.
Oy!

Frosty the Snowman
Was a fairy tale they say
Cause Chicago's temps
Were for winter wimps
You'd've thought that this was May.

There must have been some warming
All around the globe this year
For when poor Frosty tried to thump
He just puddled like a beer.

Thumpety splash splash
Thumpety splash splash
Look at Frosty melt

Thumpety splash splash
Thumpety splash splash
Now he's just his belt.

 

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow.
Oh never mind.

 

God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen

God help ye politicians
We watch ye in dismay
The polls are down for poor Pat Quinn
The state's in disarray

The pension plan's a total wreck
At least he's for the gays.

Oh the voters want comfort and joy!
Comfort and joy!
Oh please give to us some comfort and joy.

God help ye politicians
Obama, Boehner too
Your rift becomes our fiscal cliff
So what you gonna do?
Keep arguing till doomsday comes?
This Congress is a zoo!

Oh the voters want comfort and joy!
Comfort and joy!
Oh please give to us some comfort and joy.

Joy to the World

Joy to the world
The winter's come
And not a trace of snow!
Let every day
Be just like in LA!
No wintry snowstorm's roar!
No slush upon the floor!
It's heaven, it's heaven!
For all but Gore.

mschmich@tribune.com

CHICAGO

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