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Snow in February? Get over it, Chicago

Mary Schmich

February 27, 2013

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The snow fell like bullets

The people cried, "Wait!

It cannot be snowing!

Why, look at the date!

"We're almost in March

This is no time for sleet!

It's too late for plowing

The slush from the street!

"Too late for the scrapers

And shovels and salt!

This late-breaking snow

It must come to a halt!"

This snow was as shocking

As host Seth MacFarlane

(A sexist? A racist?

Or was he a darlin'?)

And speaking of Oscar,

That silly boob song?

Not grandly offensive

And yet somehow wrong.

Imagine a show

That's devoted to arts

Devoting a number

To men's private parts.

But, yes, I digress,

From the weather and so

We now will return

To the late-breaking snow.

It snowed and kept snowing

An inch by the hour!

A "wintry mix"

(That's a messy snow shower.)

It blew side to side

And it flew up and down

It coated the trees

And it smothered the town.

Some people were happy

All snuggled indoors

All cozy with books

While they toasted s'mores.

But out in the mix

It was not quite so pretty

No, out in the mess

It was sloppy and gritty.

The cars slipped and slid

And the airplanes got stuck

The sidewalks were deadly

The people said, "Expletive."

Those people were cranky

They could not be calm

Oh, what could they do?

Could they blame it on Rahm?

Or blame it on Congress

For wrecking our nation

With late-breaking snow

And that darned sequestration?

"It's heart attack snow!"

All the weatherfolk said

The people they shivered

And quivered with dread.

"S-spring!" the folk whimpered

"It's so very near!

We thought from here out

We would be in the clear."

Oh, people, get real

It is spring in LA

But spring in Chicago?

That's not until May.

We know in Chicago

That winter hangs on

Like flu that recurs when

You think that it's gone.

Perhaps we're made weak

By the balmy December

Those sweet, snowless days

Global warming — remember?

That debt has come due

Here in winter's last lap

We'll finish the season

By shoveling (expletive).

But look on the bright side

There's hope in the pain

For each foot of snow's

Like an inch of new rain.

The stuff that we're shoveling

With curses and pouts

In summer will help

Keep the farmers from droughts.

So here's to the late-breaking

Snowblower's roar

And bets that we're in

For at least a bit more.

mschmich@tribune.com