No. And I hope I never will.
"Thank God my wife doesn't fit in Jimmy Choos," said Byrnes. "At $800 a pair, it would kill me."
We reached out to Jimmy Choo to see if they'd care to put out a warning, telling women not to chop their toes in LA or New York for fashion's sake. But they didn't respond.
Byrnes wonders whether this phenomenon may be America's version of Chinese foot binding, a hideous bit of misogyny now outlawed in China. Years ago, wealthy families or those with pretensions to the upper classes would bind a girl's feet from infancy, to make them tiny and distinguishable from the feet of peasants.
"It was a class thing. It was anti-women. It was terrible," Byrne said. "Men wanted to show they were so wealthy, their wife didn't have to do common labor, so they'd bind the feet to limit the bone plates from growing. The tinier the foot, the more attractive. Is that where we're now as a culture, with these high-fashion shoes? I don't know. But get real, men have nothing to say when it comes to fashion."
No, we don't. If we're smart, we just shut up. Yes, it's awkward. And at awkward times like these, guys could at least take refuge in talking football. But on Wednesday, Chicago Bears receiver Brandon Marshall had to open his big mouth and tell reporters that some NFL players use Viagra to get ready for games. He said he'd heard they use the male sex enhancer "because the blood is supposedly thin."
So if a Bears game lasts more than four hours, should players call their physicians immediately?
You may think that pinky toe lopping and Viagra on the gridiron are just two more signs of the coming apocalypse. But if football players have gone mad, at least Chicago women haven't lost their minds.
"You don't have to worry about Chicago women," said Dr. Byrnes. "They're too salt of the earth, too grounded to cut their toes for fashion. This is Chicago, not LA or New York."
Chicago: where E.T. is safe.
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