More pressing than the shutdown: What will Boehner be for Halloween?

House Speaker John Boehner and his friends, the establishment Republicans in the Senate, are desperate to cut a deal with President Barack Obama.

It should be obvious that they've been so unnerved over the pummeling they've taken from liberal media types (and Miley Cyrus on "Saturday Night Live") that they're just desperate to roll over.

So they'll let the president add to the $17 trillion debt and allow Obamacare to live, because that's much nicer than being called names by comedians.

Yet as they "negotiate" through October, one more question remains:

What will Boehner be for Halloween?

Little Bo Peep?

Or Leonidas the Spartan?

You probably don't think he has the abs for Leonidas, and I don't have the abs for it, either. He might just wear one of those wraparound plastic-ab costume corsets, backbone included. Still, he wouldn't dare parade around as Leonidas. He doesn't have the gall.

For Boehner, it's Little Bo Peep and her lost little sheep-people, also known as "sheeple."

Asked if Republicans in Congress still hope to defund or delay Obamacare to end the government shutdown, Boehner said, with his lips barely moving:

"If ands or buts were candy and nuts, then every day would be Christmas."

And what of Obama? It's one thing for the speaker of the House to costume up as a character from a nursery rhyme, but what will the guy from Chicago dress like for Halloween? That's easy:

Marcus Welby.

Yes, the father of Obamacare will put on the Dr. Welby white coat, as worn by actor Robert Young in the old TV show.

Can't you see Obama as the reassuring physician, with his easy bedside manner, back in the days when politicians didn't tell dare tell doctors what to do?

"You don't have any physical disorders to blame those pounds on," Welby once told a fat kid.

Personally, I'd rather see the president go as the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

Like Obama, the Pied Piper of Hamelin charmed all the young people. They loved him. As long as he'd play his pipe, the young would follow him anywhere, even deeper into debt.

The Pied Piper blew on that pipe, and the young trotted obediently behind him, until he led them into the rock face of a mountain where they disappeared forever. Some say the young were sold as chattel in the ancient slave markets of Istanbul. But we don't know for sure.

Rank-and-file congressional Democrats can go as the Seven Dwarfs or the flesh-eating zombies from "The Walking Dead." Nancy Pelosi would look ravishing as an aged but unwrinkled Miley Cyrus, and all Harry Reid has to do is shave his head, put on a white T-shirt, run a ring through his earlobe and he's Mr. Clean.