What Republican wouldn't pay through the nose for real Rezko Roots that you could water every morning and trim with nail scissors once a week? And inside the case would be a tiny plastic Rezko and a tiny plastic Obama, holding golf clubs and practicing their putting.
Tell me that's not a conversation starter.
Then on to City Hall, the ground zero of the Chicago Democratic machine, where a portrait of George Washington hangs behind the council chamber. There, Republicans would see what generations of indicted Democratic pols have seen: America's first president with his palm facing up, fingers curved, an expectant smile on his face as if he were taking care of a zoning variance.
A side trip on the culture bus would take delegates to observe how the Nation of Islam patrols Chicago's streets to keep things safe.
Brady said the Republican National Committee should be eager to take Chicago up on the offer.
"Reince is a friend, I absolutely will ask him to consider Chicago as the alternative convention site," Brady said of the Republican chairman. "He's from Kenosha. So he understands the significance of the Chicago Way.
"And the convention would be great for the city.
"I brought the Chicago idea up a few years ago, but it didn't get traction. Now, with that tropical storm coming, what better place than Chicago? It would bring jobs to Chicago, and business, and there are so many sights to see."
Brady said he'd like Republican delegates to walk along LaSalle Street and stand on the site of the famous Counsellors Row Restaurant, where the FBI secretly recorded 1st Ward and Outfit-sponsored political figures.
Republicans would be remiss if they didn't take advantage of some other great Chicago offerings.
For example, the Daley boys could be hired to teach Republicans how to launch a lucrative municipal insurance brokerage. And state Democratic Party Chairman Mike Madigan, the speaker of the state House, could host breakfast seminars on how "conflict of interest" doesn't mean the same thing in Illinois as it does elsewhere.
"How could anyone deny the fact that Chicago would be the ideal place?" said Brady. "Hotels need the business, the restaurants aren't crowded this time of year, and it would bring jobs."
If Isaac breaks bad on Tampa, we're ready. Chicago needs jobs, jobs, jobs.