Our Founding Fathers would have loved the Moutza of the Month.
They fought a powerful king and his great armies, and they revered the ancient Greeks. One of the founders had a special credo, perhaps the best one ever, one that Americans should remember: Live Free or Die.
And those of us who give the open hand of the Moutza to the powerful and the stupid are a people who are still free.
We live free and we Moutza. Our forefathers would be quite proud.
So let's award the Moutza of the Month for June.
Extend your palm, or palms, in the ancient fashion. Thrust those naked palms at the offender. Say the magic words: "Nah!" and "Feesa etho" (blow right here).
In Japan, middle-schoolers tried to win it by licking eyeballs. In Chicago, a mayor all but killed (albeit metaphorically) the greatest hockey player in our city's history.
On Facebook, where Moutza of the Month nominations are often posted, reader Paul K. nominated perhaps the creepiest Hollywood actor.
"Michael Douglas, for telling us more about his sex life than we need to know."
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel eagerly extended his 9.5 fingers in reaching for the Moutza of the Month right after the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.
"I grew up in the Stan Mikita-Bobby Hull era," Emanuel said on WMVP-AM 1000. "And I think, you know, Bobby's looking down on this team with great admiration."
Bobby Hull looking down? Mayor Rahmfather, Bobby Hull ain't dead. And our hands are very much alive:
"Paula Deen, hands down, for ending her Matt Lauer interview with 'I is what I is,'" insisted reader Emil S.
Let others debate whether there is a statute of limitations on Deen's white racist speech of decades ago. What kills me is that it was only a matter of time until those two comic race hustlers, the Rev. Al "Tawana Brawley" Sharpton and the Rev. Jesse "King of Beers" Jackson, were drawn to Deen.
Three Moutzes waiting. And please, don't try talking to the hand. It doesn't have ears to hear.
Nah! Nah! Nah!
Meanwhile, IRS agents obviously became bored with harassing libertarians and conservatives, so they used their government credit cards for porn, wine, massages and other treats.
Reader Steve B. wants President Barack Obama to get a Moutza (but I refuse to Moutza the president) and the White House and IRS for "trying to spin the fact that liberal groups were being flagged as much as conservative groups."
Let's remove Obama from the equation and line up the IRS and the political hacks. Groups on the left weren't hounded as fiercely as were those on the right. IRS bosses admitted this.