There is no way Chicago will ever allow Derrick Rose to play one second of basketball against the Miami Heat.
Not now. Not ever.
It's bad enough that NBA refs are now allowing the Heat to mug the poor Bulls with cheap shot after cheap shot. And D-Rose, coming back from a serious knee injury, doesn't need to be on the court with bloodthirsty thugs.
But what makes it worse is that Miami's No. 1 fan has now become known to us:
Filomena "The Finger" Tobias.
And we're not going to subject D-Rose to such barbaric, dangerous and terrifying harpies, who represent the very heart and soul of Miami basketball fandom.
If you think we're going to allow D-Rose anywhere near this spider-woman, who was once accused in a lawsuit of having killed her fourth husband by drugging him and promising him pool sex with a male go-go-dancer named Tiger, you are out of your minds.
It's gotten so bad that Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade — the pride of Harold L. Richards High School in Oak Lawn, Ill. — tried to put a positive spin on the fiasco.
"We just want to ask our fans to cheer for us," Wade said Thursday, adding, "Let's stay first-class around here, Miami."
Too late, Flash.
The Finger became an Internet sensation after a photograph of her giving "the finger" to Bulls center Joakim Noah during Game 2 in Miami went viral.
In the photo, The Finger leans to within inches of the gentle Joakim, shaking that bony claw of hers in his face, while she snarls and shows her fangs and reportedly screams obscenities.
What's worse is that the South Florida Sun Sentinel blocked out the offending digit — and Tobias' entire angry hand — with a green circle on its website. They're ashamed of Miami fans too.
In Chicago, we don't act like that. And we don't give "the finger," which is reportedly a vulgar and rampant invitation to sexual violence that is beyond our understanding.
We use the Moutza here.
The local Tampa CBS affiliate called her a "crazy Miami Heat fan," trying to suggest (and failing) that the others aren't just like her. Yeah, right.
Naturally, her family is quite proud of her and bragged on how great The Finger looked giving the finger.
"I have to say she still looks very hot," insisted her daughter, Victoria Racanati.