Elk heads made this month's Moutza easy

Penguin! Three-Face! Ashley Judd will kick your behinds. Nah!

Dov Hikind, the Democratic state legislator from Brooklyn, said he was sorry for painting his face black and wearing an Afro wig at a weekend celebration.

"It was not meant to offend or hurt anyone in any fashion," he wrote, adding that criticism was "political correctness to the absurd."

Dov, this isn't meant to hurt or offend you either. Really.

Nah! Blow right here. Nah!

Many say the Obama White House deserves a Moutza for cynical scare tactics over relatively minor budget cuts. Quicker than you can tell Bob Woodward he'd "regret it" comes the story of Education Secretary Arne Duncan.

Duncan claimed the mandated federal cuts had already caused schools to fire teachers.

"This stuff is real," Duncan said. "Schools are already starting to give teachers notices."

But it wasn't real, according to the Associated Press. There were no layoffs. And the Obama White House — which has had its behind smooched by the media for years — wants more behind-smooching even when its inhabitants tell whoppers.

Hey, Obama staffers. Nah!

Reader Rennie Herzan demanded a Moutza for the stupid Hollywood stuffed bear Ted.

"Give it to the crude teddy bear Ted at the Oscars," wrote Herzan.

Sure, Rennie. Hey, Ted. Nah!

But isn't there something profoundly creepy about an entire room of wealthy, jaded entertainers paying attention to a fur costumed puppet that tells naughty jokes?

Or is it just me?

Happily, I didn't watch the Oscars. Oh, we recorded Adele singing "Skyfall." But the Oscars give me terrible nightmares:

I dream that I'm an entertainment reporter, standing on the red carpet, worrying about my hair, while faking laughter at some idiotic comment made by a movie star. I'd rather be eaten alive by cats.

But the Tribune wishes to thank the academy of readers for nominating three exceptional Americans for the grand monthly Moutza.

Many give an open hand or three to Mayor Buttinski (Michael Bloomberg) of New York. His super PAC ran TV spots in Chicago, bigfooting the 2nd Congressional District's Democratic primary.

Robin Kelly, D-Bloomberg, was nominated by Democrats. Republicans elected an ex-convict.