Nine Lines

1. True or false?

"Death Race": title of a movie, or suggested alternative to viewing it?

2. Attack!

Jessica Simpson bought a stake in beer brand Stampede Light Plus. Never has her effort to kill your brain cells seemed so diversified.

3. Season's greetings

Sadly there are only a few more days left to hit the beaches. After that, Lake Michigan changes over to its seasonal role of "industrial waste receptacle."

4. Reboot

Singer Aubrey O'Day introduces us to her latest style: snakes on a train wreck.



5. Company property

Miley Cyrus plans to celebrate her 16th birthday at Disneyland. She'll take pictures, ride the attractions and get a new microchip embed --er, eat some cake!

6. Latte down!

A Wisconsin women was arrested and handcuffed for failing to pay late fees at the library. No truth to the rumor that PBS was filming it for their own version of "Cops."

7. Figures

Meanwhile, Milwaukee just unveiled a bronze statue of the Fonz. The gold and silver statues were, of course, awarded to 9-year-old Chinese gymnasts.

8. Don't be surprised

Did you hear Michael Phelps plans to write a book? So the next time you see a guy in goggles and a Speedo, flapping his arms like a sea gull as he prepares to type on his laptop at the coffee shop ...

9. Ooooh, shiny!

And finally, a Spanish synchronized swimming team was not allowed to wear swimsuits with flashing lights embedded in them. The good news: " Dancing With the Stars" called and they're verrrrrrry interested.