Published March 8 2008
I love traveling and flying across the country. What I hate is the rude and ignorant behavior of my fellow passengers.
On a recent flight back to Chicago from L.A., I was reminded of the five types of travelers that most irk me.With spring break approaching, my frustration level will be on orange alert as I brave O'Hare to fly to Europe next week.
Travelers will be swarming the terminals and planes will be packed, especially since airlines are cutting the number of flights they offer.
So here's who should stay out of my way, unless you want to see my wrath unleashed upon you.
The Pre- 9/11 Traveler
You haven't flown in six long years, so listen up. You have to take off your shoes and coats and dump out everything from your pockets when you go through security -- no "buts" about it. You see everyone else doing it, so undo the laces already so I can actually make my flight. Don't hold up the line unless you want to hear me bitching under my breath. There's no way I'm missing my flight, even if I have to push you out of my way. Let's move it!
The Rule-Breaker
For some reason, you think you're above the law. There's probably a good reason why we're told to stay seated and buckled up in flight and told not to use our cell phones. We all want our rides from the airport to know when we're arriving, but don't bust out the cell phone while we're still in the air -- not even to send a text message.
When the pilot and flight attendants tell you the rules, follow them. That includes the Golden Rule. If I ask for a blanket and the flight attendant brings the very last one to our aisle, don't even think about taking it for yourself unless you want to be smothered with it.
Kids Behaving Badly
Your tantrums, screaming and crying drive me crazy! Don't even think about kicking my seat unless you really want something to cry about. Expect your parents to get the evil eye as you're wailing. I should not have to suffer a throbbing headache if mom or dad can't control you. They shouldn't bring you along on a flight if you can't behave. That's what road trips are for.
Miss Stinky
If you're going to bring food on the plane, at least be considerate of me and others stuck with you on the plane. I know it's a bummer we don't get free snacks anymore. But you're making a situation worse when you open up your doggy bag of smelly food. Not good when there's no window to crack. If you must carry on food, then chow it down fast unless you want me to puke from the nauseating smell. I'm getting queasy just thinking about it.
Mr. Too Comfortable
Sure, it may be a long flight and I understand you want to get comfortable. Feel free to stretch your legs. But for God's sake, you're not home alone. Keep your shoes on and your pants buttoned unless you want your shoe shoved ... No one wants to see or smell your stinky feet. Gross! Come on, people!
So, fellow passengers, the way I see it you have only one option to make sure you have a pleasant travel experience: Adhere to these guidelines -- unless you want to fly the unfriendly skies with me.
On a recent flight back to Chicago from L.A., I was reminded of the five types of travelers that most irk me.With spring break approaching, my frustration level will be on orange alert as I brave O'Hare to fly to Europe next week.
Travelers will be swarming the terminals and planes will be packed, especially since airlines are cutting the number of flights they offer.
So here's who should stay out of my way, unless you want to see my wrath unleashed upon you.
The Pre- 9/11 Traveler
You haven't flown in six long years, so listen up. You have to take off your shoes and coats and dump out everything from your pockets when you go through security -- no "buts" about it. You see everyone else doing it, so undo the laces already so I can actually make my flight. Don't hold up the line unless you want to hear me bitching under my breath. There's no way I'm missing my flight, even if I have to push you out of my way. Let's move it!
The Rule-Breaker
For some reason, you think you're above the law. There's probably a good reason why we're told to stay seated and buckled up in flight and told not to use our cell phones. We all want our rides from the airport to know when we're arriving, but don't bust out the cell phone while we're still in the air -- not even to send a text message.
When the pilot and flight attendants tell you the rules, follow them. That includes the Golden Rule. If I ask for a blanket and the flight attendant brings the very last one to our aisle, don't even think about taking it for yourself unless you want to be smothered with it.
Kids Behaving Badly
Your tantrums, screaming and crying drive me crazy! Don't even think about kicking my seat unless you really want something to cry about. Expect your parents to get the evil eye as you're wailing. I should not have to suffer a throbbing headache if mom or dad can't control you. They shouldn't bring you along on a flight if you can't behave. That's what road trips are for.
Miss Stinky
If you're going to bring food on the plane, at least be considerate of me and others stuck with you on the plane. I know it's a bummer we don't get free snacks anymore. But you're making a situation worse when you open up your doggy bag of smelly food. Not good when there's no window to crack. If you must carry on food, then chow it down fast unless you want me to puke from the nauseating smell. I'm getting queasy just thinking about it.
Mr. Too Comfortable
Sure, it may be a long flight and I understand you want to get comfortable. Feel free to stretch your legs. But for God's sake, you're not home alone. Keep your shoes on and your pants buttoned unless you want your shoe shoved ... No one wants to see or smell your stinky feet. Gross! Come on, people!
So, fellow passengers, the way I see it you have only one option to make sure you have a pleasant travel experience: Adhere to these guidelines -- unless you want to fly the unfriendly skies with me.