Now starting at quarterback for the Bears: Jay Zambrano

Cutler threw four interceptions and managed seven -- count ‘em, seven -- yards passing in the first half of a nationally televised game against the Bears’ biggest rival, refusing to absorb a good deal of blame for another vomit-inducing performance in Green Bay while shoving one of his protectors. There are all kinds of things to dislike there, and sounding like a baby is a big one.

Cutler couldn’t acted like a big boy. Instead, he came off spoiled. He spouted something about how this isn’t a hobby for him, as if it’s simply weekend warrior stuff for everybody else who just went through training camp and the preseason and two regular-season games. Yeesh.

Because Zambrano would at least apologize and take responsibility, the Cutler-Carlos analogy changes, and you know who’s a better comparison for Cutler?

Neidermeyer, that’s who. Douglas Neidermeyer, the insufferable ROTC leader from the equally insufferable Omega house in “Animal House.’’

Neidermeyer oversaw a unit he was tasked to whip into an organized bunch, doing it with much yelling and hectoring about. “You’re all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me 20!’’

Neidermeyer also showed the ability to humiliate individuals for failing. See Flounder shoveling out the stables, and now that I think of it, Webb is the Bears’ perfect Flounder.

Yeah, I’m liking the Cutler-Neidermeyer comparison better.

Neidermeyer:  “How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?’’

Boon: “How does it feel to be (a rectum), Neidermeyer?’’

Yep, works for me. Oh, and there’s one other thing that Cutler ought to know: Neidermeyer’s epilog in the movie was “killed by his own troops in Vietnam.’’