Despite common assumptions that President-elect Barack Obama's Cabinet nominees are told of their selection via personal phone calls, The Times has learned that the famously tech-friendly Obama is actually notifying his picks by "friending" them on the social networking site Facebook. Requests to Obama for comment on the following transcript have gone unanswered, though he did "poke" us just as this went to press.
November 6- Barack is now friends with Rahm Emanuel.
- Rahm Emanuel is cursing anyway.
November 24- Barack is now friends with Bill Richardson, Lawrence Summers and Timothy Geithner.
- Bill Richardson is trading carbon credits for a new goatee.
- Lawrence Summers and Joe Biden are now friends via The White Men Who Gaffe friend-finder tool.
- Timothy Geithner is wondering whether take-out coffee suddenly got hotter or those protective cup sleeves suddenly stopped working. Discuss.
December 1- Barack is now friends with Robert Gates, Janet Napolitano, retired Marine Gen. James Jones and Hillary Clinton.
- Janet Napolitano is single and lovin' it! (nota bene Ed Rendell.)
- James Jones is bi . . . partisan!
Timothy Geithner: LOL!
Rahm Emanuel: *%@*#!
- Eric Holder is begging your pardon.
- Robert Gates is déjà vu-ing.
- Hillary Clinton wishes Bill would get busy with that drywall project at the house. December 2 - Barack is now friends with Bill Clinton.
Barack: Didn't I try to "friend" you, like, like two years ago?
- Bill Clinton has joined the Facebook group Husbands Affected By State Department Ethics Rules.
- Bill Clinton has no plans tonight in case anyone feels like grabbing a steak.
- Bill Clinton is still free if anyone's in the mood for a sundae.
- Bill Clinton is now a fan of The Sarah Silverman Program. December 5 - ♥ Barack is now listed as "in a relationship" with The U.S. Auto Industry. December 9 - Barack is totally not friends with Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.
Rahm Emanuel: Me #&% neither! December 10 - Barack is reiterating how much he's not friends with Rod Blagojevich.
Hillary Clinton: Ditto.
Timothy Geithner: Ditto.
Lawrence Summers: Ditto. - Barack, Rahm Emanuel, Hillary Clinton, Timothy Geithner, Janet Napolitano, James Jones, Bill Richardson, Lawrence Summers, Joe Biden, Bill Clinton and The U.S. Auto Industry joined the Facebook group We're Not Friends With Rod Blagojevich.
- Rahm Emanuel was tagged in a photo album Rod And Rahm Just Chillin' by Rod Blagojevich -- 128 photos. December 11 - Barack is now friends with Tom Daschle.
- Tom Daschle is drinking eggnog and watching "I Love the 80s" on VH1.
- Bill Clinton is wondering if anyone knows Sarah Silverman and whether she likes steak.
Tom Daschle: Huzzah!
- Janet Napolitano is the sound of one hand clapping.
- ♥ Barack has changed his relationship status to The U.S. Auto Industry to "it's complicated." December 13 - Barack is hoping he's not friends with Bernard Madoff. December 14 - Tom Daschle and James Jones have joined the Facebook group Which Member Of The A-Team Are You?
- Lawrence Summers joined the Facebook group It's Not Fair That Angry Feminists Keep Writing Nasty Blog Posts About Me Even Though That Harvard Thing Was So Long Ago.
- Timothy Geithner is about to make a tuna salad sandwich. December 15 - Barack has 83 friends in common with Bernard Madoff.
- Rahm Emanuel has 820 friends in common with Bernard Madoff.
- Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton have 2,894 friends in common with Bernard Madoff.
Rahm Emanuel: *&!*%&@*#!!!
- Timothy Geithner is eating chili and pondering particle physics. December 16 - Barack is Christmas shopping.
- Joe Biden is puppy shopping.
Tom Daschle: Huzzah!
- Tom Daschle joined the Facebook group People Who Constantly Use The Word Huzzah on Facebook Even Though They're Not Sure What It Means. December 17 - Barack is now friends with Rick Warren. December 18 - Barack has joined the Facebook group Who Do These Liberals Expect Me To Get For The Inaugural Invocation? The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi? December 19 - Barack is merry but not gay. December 20 - Barack is in Hawaii and will not be friending anyone until '09. For immediate friendship, contact Bill Clinton via instant message. email@example.com