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SHOW PATROL

'Scandal' premiere: 'It's Handled' quotables

By Curt Wagner, @ShowPatrol

RedEye

11:52 PM CDT, October 3, 2013

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"Scandal" came roaring back for its third season Thursday with a heart-stopping episode, "It's Handled." Shonda Rhimes and her writers love to have their characters talk super fast while dropping heavy truths, shocking revelations or zinging put-downs. And the actors own those lines. (Bellamy Young, I'm looking at you.) The speechifying was electrifying. So here, without identifying the characters who spat them, is the premiere's Most. Quotable. Dialogue. "Scandal" airs at 9 p.m. Thursdays on ABC.

SPOILERS! (Not a line of dialogue, but if you haven't watched the episode. STOP READING.)

"Why did you try to have me killed?"

"I didn't try to have you killed; I tried to have Jake Ballard killed."

"You raised your skirt and opened your knees and gave it away to a man with too much power. You're not rare, you're not special."

"You and I both know he is not in charge; he is never in charge. Power is in charge."

"Twice as good as them to get half of what they have."

"Do you have to be so mediocre?"

"You're getting on that plane come hell or high water, and to be clear, I am the hell and the high water."

"I am a monster, but honey, I'm your monster."

"I am many things, stupid is not one of them."

"That’s what Mom used to tell me about you."

"The people, Madame Vice President, the people elected you to be the president’s sidekick, not the Lord. … The Lord does not have the right to vote in the United States of America."

"I have never once mentioned how I feel about your Godless homosexual lifestyle and that poor, sweet brown baby you have dragged into it."

"Hate to be in your shoes."

"Start a kill folder on Olivia Pope."

"It can't. Be. Liv."

"Enough! To play the 'ambitious slut' card."

"No one refuses an order in my business."

"I do my job so that Fatty can watch reality TV, eat fast food, stare at the Internet, screw their husbands or their battery-operated products and never use their teeny-tiny brains to think about the freedoms that I make possible. Never think about the Democracy that I make possible."

"I'm never out of options."

"Hi."

"So, let's do this."

"I'm going to need you to refrain from referring to me as a 'whore,' at least in front of my face. All right?"

"I'm sorry, the truth does not work. It does not work for me."

"If all we had to talk about was a blue dress with a stain and a cigar that had been in interesting places, I'd be fine. I would not give a damn."

"That is me being in love with another woman."

"I will open up our closet and I will pull out our laundry and I will share it with the world. I am that tired."

"It's refreshing to hear a man valuing the family. Good men are hard to come by."

"I am the most powerful woman in the free world. There are challenges associated with that."

"There will be a window; climb through it."

"Couldn't we just kill another intern? It wouldn't be that hard."

"Are we gladiators, or are we bitches?"

"Most importantly, he is freaking hot."

"What did you do?"

"It was this crazy idea I got from you … after you leaked Olivia's name."

"Being First Lady is profoundly boring … I use the copious amounts of free time I have to think, and I have been thinking, who could have possibly leaked that name, and why?"

"No. Step 1 was me coming to Blair House and laying my head in your lap like I gave a damn about you forgiveness. This is a war, Mellie. You and I are at war."

"There is nothing wrong with a little self-preservation. It doesn't mean you don't wear the white hat."

"The trunk was very comfortable, thank you."

"This is what really happened on that mission."

"Oh my God."

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