Entertainment Television

Jimmy Kimmel's best Emmy telecast jokes

Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel took shots at Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney and "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm's Emmy losing streak, among others, during his four-minute opening monologue. Here are some of his best jokes.

  • "'Downton Abbey' is an amazing show ... It really gives you a sense of what it must have been like to grow up in Mitt Romney's house."
  • "Being a Republican in Hollywood is like being a Chick-fil-A sandwich on the snack table at 'Glee.'"
  • "Television is an American institution, yet one out of every five actors here tonight is British. I guess we're supposed to award them because they went to Royal Shakespeare Academy and ours were discovered at the mall."
  • "Does it bother anybody else that President Obama said his favorite show is 'Homeland?' I don't think the president should be watching 'Homeland' for the same reason Charlie Sheen shouldn't be watching 'Breaking Bad.' "
  • "If you're going to the HBO [Emmy] after-party, don't eat the sliders," he said after referencing horse racing drama "Luck," which was cancelled after horses died on the set.
  • "Jon Hamm, you gave a tremendous performance this year, and I, for one, am shocked you didn't win tonight ... Too soon?"
  • "None of the four major networks were nominated in the drama category. The Academy is sending a pretty clear message and that message is: Show us your boobs."
  •  "Tonight you'll be asked to perform your most challenging role yet, that of an actor who's happy for the success of another actor."

THE OPENING SKIT
Kimmel opened the Emmys with a pre-recorded skit in which host Jimmy Kimmel was so nervous he hid in the women's bathroom, where "Girls" creator-star Lena Dunham was found nude on the toilet eating cake.

Kimmel told Mindy Kaling, Zooey Deschanel, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kathy Bates, Connie Britton, Christina Hendricks and other actresses that he couldn't host the show.

"I got a little botox," he said, then asked about his puffy face, "Is it bad?"

They told him no, but then beat his face back to normal. Finally, past Emmy host Ellen DeGeneres then saved Kimmel by giving him her pants.

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Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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