By Curt Wagner, @ShowPatrol
7:33 PM CDT, April 30, 2013
Kyle Bornheimer must be asking himself, "Why me?" He should be asking, "Where do I find a better agent?"
The actor has been in what seems like an endless list of failed network comedies, including "Worst Week" on CBS, "Romantically Challenged" on ABC and "Perfect Couples" on NBC.
Now he's starring in the stinker of a family sitcom, "Family Tools" (7:30 p.m. CT May 1, ABC; 1 star out of 4) as Jack Shea, the son of Tony (J.K. Simmons), a career handyman whose heart problems, and bossy sister, Terry (Leah Remini), force him into early retirement.
Terry also bullies him into turning the family business over to Jack, a bungler who has just been thrown out of the seminary because no one liked his ideas on streamlining the Bible's "preachiness." Jack screwed at up college, in the military and in other careers. All he wants is his father's approval, and taking over the business is his chance to prove he can succeed at something.
Too bad he has to use a nail gun, because it's not long before Jack shoots a nail into his bare foot. He had taken off his shoe and sock because his employee, Darren (Edu Cathegi), is grossed out by bare feet.
Are you laughing yet? No wonder ABC saved this show to burn off over early summer.
Bornheimer's bad track record aside, Simmons is the one who really needs our sympathy here. He's so good in so many movies and TV shows, but he's taken a big step down from playing Kyra Sedgwick's boss on "The Closer."
He can draw laughs from wearing Remini's yoga clothes (even if they don't last long), but he can't repair this wreck.
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