By Curt Wagner, @ShowPatrol
7:04 PM CDT, September 22, 2013
Will Ferrell couldn't find child care so he brings the kids on stage with him to present the final awards of the evening.
"Modern Family" wins the best comedy Emmy again. Steven Levitan accepts the Emmys and sums up the whole night: "This may be the saddest Emmys of all time, but we could not be happier."
"None of us grew up feeling like winners," he went on, "so thank you to the bullies, to the popular kids, to the gym teachers who taunted us, who rejected us, who made fun of the way we ran. Without you, we would have never gone into comedy."
"Breaking Bad" wins the best drama Emmy award. "Holy crap," Vince Gilligan says, apparently not expecting the win.
And that's the show.
"Behind the Candelabra" wins best miniseries or movie, too.
Michael Douglas wins best actor in a miniseries for playing Liberace in "Behind the Candelabra." "This is a two-hander," Douglas says, being a bit naughty. "So you deserve half of this. You want the bottom or the top?" Liberace, famously closeted in life, would not be amused. Or would he?
Hugo my cat won't stop meowing. Even he's bored with the Emmy telecast.
Ellen Burstyn wins supporting actress for "Political Animals" for playing "a woman over 65 who still has a lot of juice," she says.
Steven Soderbergh wins directing Emmy for "Behind the Candelabra." He thanks Michael Douglas and Matt Damon.
Best supporting actor for a miniseries or movie goes to James Cromwell for "American Horror Story: Asylum."
Abi Morgan wins best writing honor for "The Hour," which has been canceled. Oops.
These cutaways with Shemar Moore backstage are creepy, timewasting and useless.
I'm hoping the next in memoriam tribute will be for in memoriam tributes.
Edie Falco pays tribute to her "The Sopranos" co-star James Gandolfini.
"The Colbert Report" wins best variety show. "It's a cliche to say it's an honor just to be nominated," Colbert says. "It's more than that; it's also a lie. This is way better."
Derek Hough of "Dancing with the Stars" wins the choreography Emmy. "Holy crap," he says.
There has never been a performance of the choreography nominees on the Emmys until tonight, Harris says. Then we're shown why there hasn't. Just kidding!
Although this show has got to be running long, right?
Michael J. Fox pays tribute to Gary David Goldberg.
Don Roy King wins variety show director for "Saturday Night Live."
Hard to believe Bob Newhart won his first Emmy just last week, but he gets a standing ovation tonight before presenting the variety series writing award to "The Colbert Report."
"Wow, the Emmys are so good this year," Colbert cracks. "I want to thank my wife ... for being so cruel and sexy."
Outstanding guest actor winners Carrie Preston and Dan Bucatinsky give a directing Emmy to David Fincher for "House of Cards."
Jimmy Fallon has some fun with a moving microphone, but it isn't as funny from this side of the screen. Claire Danes of "Homeland" wins another Emmy for best actress. She pays tribute to Henry Bromell.
Musical interlude with Carrie Underwood. Fill your wine glasses.
Best actor/drama goes to--what?--Jeff Daniels for "The Newsroom." "Well crap," Daniels says, then jokes that he's only won "best actor over 50" from the AARP.
Funny speech, but "Breaking Bad" is shut out in both actor and supporting actor categories? New blood is definitely flowing tonight.
Kerry Washington and Diahann Carroll bring their mutual admiration society to the stage. "It's been such a long time since I've been standing in this place, I don't know what to do," Carroll says. "But the men are much more beautiful than when I was doing television. I don't know where you came from, but I'm very happy to see you."
They present the best supporting actor/drama award to Bobby Cannavale for "Boardwalk Empire."
"I didn't write anything down," Cannavale says, then manages to thank just about everyone he knows.
"The Voice" wins outstanding reality series.
Finally, Harris sings. "The Number in the Middle of the Show" brings out the Emmy Gold Dancers, Nathan Fillion and Sarah Silverman. "The Emmy Awards are three hours long" go the lyrics. Let's hope no longer.
"Cory was a beautiful soul," "Glee" star Jane Lynch says in a tribute to Cory Monteith.
Anna Gunn wins the supportiong actress Emmy for "Breaking Bad." She seemed to get booted from the stage fast.
For some reason tonight the announcer is telling us where the actors were born.
The cast of "How I Met Your Mother" explain that Neil Patrick Harris is suffering from EHD--Excessive Hosting Disorder. They send him off to the Ryan Seacrest Center for Excessive Hosting. Funny pre-taped bit.
The Emmy for outstanding writing in drama goes to Henry Bromell for "Homeland." Bromell died earlier in the year so his wife aceepted the award.
Laura Linney wins best actress/miniseries for "The Big C: Hereafter."
Michael Douglas and Matt Damon of "Behind the Candelabra" introduce Elton John, who sings a new song, "Home Again," to pay tribute to Liberace.
Rob Reiner pays tribute to Jean Stapleton, who played Edith Bunker in "All in the Family."
Laughter kills innocent people, Sofia Vergara tells us before she and Jimmy Kimmel present the best actor in a comedy award to Jim Parsons for "The Big Bang Theory." It's his third Emmy for the role. Meh.
Will Arnett and Margo Martindale do a funny bit that mentions their horrible new comedy, "The Millers." Martindale guilts Arnett into shamelessly plugging the show, which is way funnier than anything in the pilot of "The Millers." They introduce the guest actor winners, whom I can't remember.
It's on to the best director/comedy award: Gail Mancuso wins for "Modern Family." Sorry, I'm snoozing a bit.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus gets another Emmy, this time for "Veep." Tony Hale follows her to the stage, standing behind her just like his "Veep" character does in the show. He whispers info into her ear to add to the speech.
Robin Williams pays tribute to Jonathan Winters. 'Nuf said.
"The two performing sisters are much different than the performing sisters I saw in Thailand a few years ago," Harris jokes as he introduces Emily and Zooey Deschanel, who will pass out the outstanding supporting actor in a comedy award.
Tony Hale wins for "Veep." Emmy voters are getting new blood in there so far. And then he talks so long he gets the "leave the stage" music. No one is going to top Merritt's speech.
A pre-taped bit interviews the best writing nominees before Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield win for "30 Rock."
Neil Patrick Harris opens the show binge watching an entire season of TV, including both nominated and snubbed shows.
While witty, it isn't as fun as his rip-roaring musical numbers that open the Tony Awards broadcasts his hosted. Last year's host, Jimmy Kimmel, offers Harris advice from the audience before jumping onstage.
"Soak it all in, because they probably won't ask you back next year," Kimmel says. Then Jane Lynch and Jimmy Fallon, two more former hosts, appear to make their suggestions.
"I hosted the Emmys twice ... back when it meant something," Conan O'Brien shouts when he steps on the stage. "Those were the days I tell ya."
As the "parade of babbling baffoons" argue, the camera pans to Kevin Spacey of "House of Cards," who promises something special is coming. Eating popcorn and wearing 3D glasses, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler offer suggestions.
"Take your pants off," the Golden Globes hosts yell. "And twerk it!"
"It might be degrading, but we would be de-grateful," Poehler says.
They then announce that Merritt Wever from "Nurse Jackie" as the winner of the outstanding supporting actress in comedy. "Thank you so much," she says, surprised. "I gotta go. Bye."
It's time to live blog the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards with commentary and photos from the show.
Want more? Discuss this article and others on Show Patrol's Facebook page.
Copyright © 2014 Chicago Tribune Company, LLC