A lot of tongues were wagging in "American Horror Story: Coven," Chapter 7, "The Dead."
Let's get started with THE tongue, the only one that matters—Spalding's.
Zoe found it, fresh as a daisy despite being detached from his head 30 years ago, and reattached it with this episodes' very rare hocus-pocus.
By now viewers are used to a lot of crazy in each episode, but this one seemed to have more talk than action, which was a bit disappointing.
Anyway, back to Zoe, who is getting more daring as well as powerful. She forces Spalding to tell her the truth about what happened to Madison
"Fiona! Fiona Goode!" he screams, telling Zoe that yes, indeed, she killed Madison. Then Zoe buries a knife in his chest.
Talk about a great unrequited love. He's getting killed by Zoe while Fiona's off banging the Axeman.
Ah, the Axeman, or the Saxman. Or the Sexman. After their romp, he informs Fiona he's been watching her ever since she was an 8-year-old witchlet.
Being trapped in Witchwarts like he was, what else is a serial killer to do but first feel like a protective father, then eventually fall in love with, the most bewitching witch in the place?
Surprisingly, Fiona's the only witch with whom Axeman doesn't have an axe to grind—pun intended.
Although the Axeman and Fiona scenes were interesting to tell backstory and show how Axeman has been busy setting up his new life in New Orleans—he's killed a sax player and taken his apartment and his gigs—they kind of slowed the action we want to see: How are all the forces aligning against Fiona doing it?
Add Zoe and Delia to that growing list of people who want Fiona dead, which also includes Marie Laveau, Myrtle Snow and Hank, Delia's no-good hubby who has a whole lotta weapons.
In an earlier scene, Delia touched Madison and found out Fiona killed her—and boy is she pissed. She and "one hot-shit witch" Zoe are plotting.
"If she even thinks you're next, you're next," Delia says. "It's simple, we're going to kill my mother. Kill her once. Kill her good. Kill her dead."
Marie Laveau took another step against Fiona by playing the race card with Queenie and convincing her to bring Delphine Lalaurie to the voodoo house. Just as Delphine thought she and Queenie were becoming friends, the human voodoo doll betrays her—and Marie gets to finish her facial retinue with Delphine's blood.
But the episode belonged to Zoe. She also walked in on her formerly dead friends Kyle and Madison having sex. Madison didn't apologize for it, telling Zoe that the encounter was the only time she's felt anything since being necromanced.
She says they can share Frankenboy—and they do. Threesome!
By the way, that Toto-accompanied flashback with Kyle and his friends at the tattoo parlor was a great way to remind us that Kyle is rebuilt from the parts of several bodies.
Not sure who provided Kyle's butt, but thumbs up.
This week's lessons:
- Never, ever, ever reveal your dirtiest secret to a fledgling friend. "You have to appreciate the ugly to see the good" is bullshit
- If you need a job and an apartment, axe someone to get them. On second thought--no, don't do that.
- To quote Marie, "Voodoo doll belong in the house of voodoo." Not sure how valuable that lesson is, but I sure do love Angela Bassett.
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