You know the new season of "American Horror Story" has kicked off when Kathy Bates rubs human blood on her face—and makes a minotaur out of a man.
This is the season of the witch for Ryan Murphy and company. They're calling it "Coven" and opened with "Bitchcraft," which is kind of the perfect title for an episode that introduces us to Bates' Madame Marie Delphine LaLaurie, Jessica Lange's Supreme witch Fiona Goode and Angela Bassett's vengeful voodoo priestess Marie Laveau.
"Bitchcraft" introduced us to loads of characters, so it was a little difficult to keep up.
There's also Fiona's daughter, Cordelia, who runs the Hogwarts-like witch school Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. She kind of rejects her magic, but still wants to help her novice witch students:
- Madison, who can roll us bus with the flick of her wrist.
- Queenie, the human voodoo doll. She sticks a fork in her hand and looks at you, you're the one who bleeds.
- Nan, the nicest of the bunch, an empath who can read thoughts and feelings.
- And we can't forget Zoe, who can kill a guy by sexing him.
I'll be calling Zoe "KV" from now on because of her, um--let's just say her "gift" makes me happy I'm gay. Know what I'm saying?
I though "Bitchcraft" had a little too much exposition that actually repeated things most viewers probably figured out on their own. But honestly, it did not take away from my enjoyment of the episode.
All the other witches we met kinda pale in comparison to Fiona, or should I say to the great and powerful Jessica Lange? She snorts coke, dances, cries, sucks the life outta a dude, gets hurt and then gets super bitchy. Love her.
The scene when she returns to New Orleans and her daughter asks her when she is going to die is amazing. Just rewatch it and stare at her face.
That woman can act, and Murphy gives her some of the best lines in the episode, including the one she delivers to Madame LaLaurie after she digs her up from the grave: "Come on Mary Todd Lincoln, I'll buy you a drink."
I'm thrilled that we're going to see those two women face-to-face this season, and not separated by flashbacks. Hopefully the same will be true of Angela Bassett.
Lessons from "Bitchcraft:"
- Attic play rooms are scary.
- Never trust a frat dude.
- And blood does not make your skin tight as a drum.
New episodes of "American Horror Story: Coven" debut at 9 p.m. CT Wednesdays on FX.
What did you think of "Bitchcraft?"