By Jessica Galliart, @jessicagalliart, and Dana Moran, @redeyedana
7:16 PM CST, January 13, 2013
It's a Wednesday night, baby, and the "Girls" are alive, just barely. In what can only be described as an "I Love Lucy"-esque adventure on cocaine, Elijah guides Hannah into a royal mess of an evening for her first time trying coke, and Marnie reunites with the mind-boggling sexy Booth Jonathan and finally bones him. As he promised in season one, he DOES scare us a little.
Season 2, Episode 3
Hannah tackles a freelance assignment with some help from a junkie, who lives downstairs, and Elijah, who lets slip a secret in a moment of peak indulgence. Meanwhile, Marnie has an encounter with artist Booth Jonathan at her new workplace.
Best out-of-context quotes
(This week's best quotes section features way more than usual, because let's be honest, one in every three lines was totally quotable. Please add more in the comments if you think we missed anything!)
"The reason I've never done it before is because I have weird nasal passages." —Hannah
"One of Tom Petty's heartbreakers gave me a lovely compliment on it once" —Jessa
"Oh I love it when you get stroppy ever since you started having sex." —Jessa
"All the junkies in my building totally hang out by the mailboxes" —Shosh
I'm just trying to come up with a new wifi network name, and it's pretty intimidating bc yours is so good." —Laird
"Oh, muffins are tasty?" —Hannah
"Uh, no, I liked it when it was Madame Ovaries." —Laird
"I love when young people are passionate about something, and then they just give up the second they have to struggle." —Booth
"This is not going to be a night driving of around in your mom's Volvo with a bottle of cough syrup and a box of cold McNuggets." —Elijah
"It's inspired by a girl I went to middle school with who fucked both her uncle and her stepdad. It's called power clashing." —Elijah, on Hannah's outfit for the evening
"Just leave your fucking mark, Hannah." —Elijah
"In urine?" —Hannah
"I fucked Marnie. At first I really regretted that it happened, but then I realized that if that's what it took for me to accept myself, then as Rizzo says in 'Grease,' there are worse things I could do." —Elijah
"GOD I love coke, it's like a fucking therapy session!" —Elijah
"...Marnie's mouth tasted like non-petroleum lip balm and Trident Layers, and for whatever reason, that was a real turn-on for me." —Elijah
"Booth Jonathan is that tiny sneege of an artist she's obsessed with that she made me walk back and forth in front of his house so many times." —Hannah
"You know what, maybe I don't care about being polite OK, because it's a Wednesday night baby, and I'm alive." —Hannah
"I don't want to walk with you to the far away Rite Aid to pick up your Cipro prescription. And I'm sorry, I don't want to go to Serendipity and drink frozen hot chocolates with your uncle's girlfriend who is a stewardess named Elodie. And I definitely, definitely don't care about putting on appropriate pants, because one can really go through their whole life wearing shorty-shorts and offend almost nobody." —Hannah
After the club, where Elijah blurts out mid-coke snort that he had sex with Marnie and Hannah (in a fishnet tank and no bra) reacts poorly, the dynamically high duo walks into a drugstore. Their conversation is the best one, comedy-wise, we’ve ever seen them have--save for their initial reunion in the first season. Elijah is obliviously focused on finding some supplements (“We’re in the night kitchen! I need supplements, where are the supplements?”) while Hannah continues to poke at him about his two-pump thump with Marnie. Hannah was supposed to be his “last”! But Marnie tastes like Trident layers and non-petroleum jelly lip balm. As Elijah makes a point of Hannah’s tireless need to be the center of the universe, she follows through and shove-kisses him against the Herbal Essences shelf. The chemistry between these two former lovers is a sight to see. Although they hilariously have absolutely zero sexual chemistry--how could Hannah not know about the gay thing?!--they can keep up with each other as they furiously try to pass the ball of shame off on the other. Elijah’s closer kills it: “When did you eat jerky?” Hannah: “That is not any concern of yours.”
"Really? REALLY?" you may find yourself saying about this decision. Yes, really. While Hannah was up to her usual tricks of being a giant B, she also had one hell of a giant adventure in this week's episode and gave Marnie a great telling off. There's also the issue of the cocaine. While this writer has never done it, Marnie and Elijah's experience was so epic that it made me go from NEVER wanting to try it to PROBABLY NEVER wanting to try it. Hannah's breasts were all kinds of akimbo Sunday night, but she did not even remotely give a fuck, and for that she is our glorious winner.
Elijah was the runner-up of the night, spitting some truly fantastic lines before and during their cocaine voyage. The one note that didn't ring true about this episode: Hannah not knowing who DJ duo Andrew Andrew are. Those guys have been around for years.
Shoshanna. Our dear Shosh only got about 30 seconds of screen time this week AND has been kept up all night by Ray watching old episodes of "Ally McBeal." We adore "Ally McBeal," but if you're going to be up all night, you should probably be boning. More Shosh, "Girls"!
Marnie almost won this category because of the dressing-down she got from Hannah, and also the terrible nature of her sex with Lonely Island lothario Booth Jonathan (who, if you'll recall, told her in Season 1: “The first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little. Because I’m a man, and I know how to do things”) , but that whole in-home visit just made us howl. This is exactly what happens in real life when you've been fantasizing for months about hooking up with a guy, and it turns out to be not at all what you imagined—but there's a certain amount of victory in completing the hookup in the first place. Booth Jonathan certainly knew how to do things, it's just that those things were starfish pancake sex. We also love how Marnie kept walking like she didn't know where Booth lived, but a later scene with Hannah reveals she's been semi-stalking his apartment.
We'll be back next week with another "Girls" recap. What's to come? Hannah divorces Elijah (from their apartment), the gang reunites for a dinner party that, of course, goes ary when Charlie's new girlfriend can't behave, and Jessa meets Thomas John's parents for the first time. That'll probably go well, right?
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