Well, our crazy journey together has finally come to an end. (For now; did you people really think you were rid of us for good?) But have we really arrived anywhere? Hannah, as you’ll see, still has no idea where she is. But the rest of our ladies, Marnie, Shoshanna and Jessa, are taking big steps forward at a surprise event.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this season just as much as we have. Join us next time when we’ll hopefully find out what happens with Adam and Hannah, and Lena Dunham will cave to media pressure and cast non-white people for the sake of casting non-white people. And who knows, we just might be back for some more awesome collabo projects before then!

Click here for scorecards from past episodes. 

Read Show Patrol's "Girls" review here.

 

Someone’s boyfriend takes over during a move
The last part of the last episode was no joke. Hannah and Adam are helping Marnie move her furniture out of the apartment. Until Adam basically just shoos them away and hauls a mattress and a chair down the stairs himself. (He also later suggests that he move in to replace Marnie.)
8--I’ve actually never understood why some guys turn down requests to help their girlfriend’s friend or whoever move. Isn’t this an understood guarantee of sex afterward? -JG
10--SOMEONE always takes charge here, thank God, because I am NOT cool with being squashed by furniture. This is also a great opportunity to find out that someone is freakishly strong, i.e. my friend Steve, who looked kinda squishy at the time but can lift like 5 boxes and a rug at the same time. On a side note, I’ve officially decided I’m too old to make my friends help me move again. -DM

 

move in
“Maybe I’ll move in”
Adam slips this one in on Hannah in a moment of pre-sexual ecstasy.
7--First of all, it took me six tries to spell “ecstasy.” I am not a morning person. I think this one is the moving-in version of “just the tip, just for a minute,” from “Wedding Crashers.” If he’s suave enough about it, maybe she won’t notice... -DM
6--Oh, no. Any guy with half a brain knows this is equivalent to dropping an atom bomb on his lady's hopes and dreams of committment and settling down. With great power comes great responsibility. -JG 

 

crashing

When you can’t tell if your friend is happy or annoyed that you’re crashing at her place for a bit
Yay, Shoshanna! Marnie is staying with her until she finds her own apartment and sleeping in Jessa’s bed, since Jessa has been MIA for a “full 24/7,” Shoshanna says. 
7--Since it’s Shoshanna, it’s safe to assume it’s a combo of both. Girl is so desperate for some quality social interaction, but this is her personal space that she likes to have organized in very particular way. We could not be more similar (in only this way and the prolonged virginity thing, though). -JG
9--Shoshers! If you were this neurotic, who would you rather live with, Marnie or Jessa? Exactly. Shoshanna is probably just excited to have someone else in the apartment who knows what a broom is and buys TP. -DM

 

caught

Getting caught in a lie to get out of work
While working a shift at the coffee shop with Ray, Hannah gets a text message and then tells Ray she has a scratchy throat (“probably” from some “expired Mylanta”) and needs to go home. Ray got the same text message that Hannah did, from Jessa, inviting them to “the most important party of my life” that day. 
4--Of course Hannah would suck at pulling this off. You have to be a little strategic about what’s believable and not have your head up your own ass. Not that I’d know how to do this, of course. -JG
4--Strategery and mind games, Galliart, strategery and mind games. “That’s an extremely unattractive feature of your generation” basically sums up this entire show though, so big ups to Ray. -DM

 

roommates

No weirdness between roommates after a breakup
Though brief, Hannah and Marnie seem pretty OK with each other when they meet up at the aforementioned party with Shoshanna, despite Marnie moving out not much earlier. 
2--I get that living with your BFF is usually the biggest strain in a fledgling friendship, but isn’t there some sort of grace period when you’re allowed to pretend the other doesn’t exist? -JG 
4--Get dronk, have awkward convo, get more dronk, either cry or avoid each other. That’s the roadmap here, not this odd normalness. But something weird is going on with Marnie in this episode, as we will see later... -DM

 

mystery party

Mystery parties
The whole gang is here! The dude from “SNL” welcomes everyone to this classy loft party, which he calls a “mystery party.”
1--Only New Yorkers and tacky celebrities do this. Chicagoans are smart and neurotic enough to insist they’re not coming unless they know what’s happening. -JG
2--Is that who that dude is? I totally couldn’t put my finger on it. And I’m not entirely sure I know someone narcissistic enough to pull this off. -DM

 

failed threesomes

Failed threesome turns into a marriage
It’s a wedding! Jessa marries Thomas John, the guy from “Bridesmaids” who tried to have a threesome with her and Marnie, at the mystery party after seeing him for two weeks on the sly.
0--Way to go, Lena Dunham. You’ve just made a bunch of your fan girls question whether or not that creepy dude who attempted a threesome with them that one summer actually has potential as a life partner. -JG
1--It’s not the 1940s, people. Nobody gets married after knowing each other for less than a month. I mean, it’s not like they have to get hitched so they can have sex. -DM

 

uncomfortable
Your wedding date is uncomfortably touched by the ceremony
More evidence that Adam has a heart. Tearing up during Jessa’s vows, he says, “I’m very moved. People finding each other, taking shelter...”
8--It might be a crazy one, but I love seeing that Adam does, in fact, have a heart. It’s much more fun than watching a guy date in real life get visibly weirded out by his girl date’s chin quivering during the bride’s vows. (Yes, it’s the usually the girl doing it.) -JG
9--”Time is a rubber band.” I’m surprised Adam didn’t just up and propose right then and there. There’s one in every crowd, folks. -DM 

 

inappropriate song

Totally inappropriate song plays at a wedding
After the kiss, the club jams begin. This one is “Pussy be Yankin’” by Lady. Look it up.
4--I know it’s Brooklyn and this is HBO, but come the fuck on. “Pussy be Yankin” by Lady? Right after the kiss? What about the cranky old people?! --JG
10/5--The 10 is for this song being fucking amazing. If your office hasn’t already watched the video, get on that immediately. Well, maybe not immediately. As for the song actually being played, there are plenty of people who are self-involved enough not to care who is offended at their wedding. Jessa is all of them. -DM