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Justin and Destiny's Child have returned. It's dance time!

Before we begin, can I take a second and twerk somethin'?




Ok. Now, we can get started. Oh HAPPY DAY, AMERICA! For those of you who just started teething under the age of 20, the biggest pop names of the 21st century thus far are back ... FOR BLOOD (Not really).

Justin Timberlake hasn't made new music since 2006. That was a long time ago. To compare, there have been 38 Rihanna albums released in that span of time. Everyone has been waiting for new tunes from him. There have even been outright pleas for him to get back to making music. Last night, Justin Timberlake granted our wishes with a cryptic tweet that only said a date and a time.

The rumor was that he would be debuting a new song with Jay-Z and Beyonce. (We'll get to her in a second.) Twitter quickly started buzzing with the fervor of a newly premiered episode of “Real Housewives who aren’t Basketball Wives but are Bad Girls who have a club and Love Hip-Hop instead” or whatever escapist fantasy people are into these days.

This morning, while most of us were settling into the workday and while the anticiption for #NewTimberlake was growing to a fever pitch, the only other pop singer who could upstage a new Justin song decided to make her presence felt. Beyonce dropped a bomb, revealing that she would be reuniting with Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland (known to us mere mortals as Destiny’s Child) and releasing a new song produced by Pharrell called “Nuclear” later this month as part of a greatest-hits package. Most of America is halfway through a cup of coffee and we get new Destiny’s Child and new Timberlake news? This is a webcam video of me this morning:

Then, the fake-out happened. Justin released something, all right. Not a new song, but a new video. “Wait, that’s not bad!” you might say. Well, the video didn’t really tell us anything.  See for yourself.

So to recap:

  • Justin misses his music as much as we do.
  • He doesn’t want to screw it up.
  • He takes making music VERY seriously
  • He’s been working on new stuff.
  • He records at a VERY nice studio.
  • No seriously, that place is LAVISH. You can tell that they totally have a big fridge filled with those Pellegrino flavored water drinks that are like $1.50 a can usually and you totally just get a Coke Zero instead because it’s like, 'what am I made of money here?'
  • He’s ready to drop new music.
  • In three days (as of this writing) something else will happen.

Got all that?

Now, does this mean we’re getting a new JT album in 2013? Probably. Does this mean we’re going to have him pop up at everything and do another street-tested, corporation-approved viral video with Jimmy Fallon? I’d bet my kneecap on it. Is this a bad thing? HELL NO.  Some are already speculating on how the album will sound. Is he going to get his Weeknd on and croon over sparse production or will he smack the kufi off of Justin Bieber’s head with an all-out pop assault? Only time will tell. All I know is, it’s 2003-2006 again for the rest of the day. Now someone pass me the plastic bottle of vodka, it is CELEBRATION TIME, HUMANITY.

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