Entertainment Entertainment Music

10 wishes for the 2013 Grammys

Annual grumble: The Grammys refuse to nominate anything that’s not already widely popular. Why? Why?!!

OK, now that that’s out of my system, I still have plenty of favorites and artists I root against, aside from the built-in interest of the show’s many performances (the reason most people tune in to begin with). Here are 10 things I’d like to see this Sunday, none of them involving Chris Brown.

1.    Frank Ocean wins Best New Artist
What a stunning spectrum of quality in this category: Ocean’s brilliant “Channel Orange” should make him a slam dunk when compared to the live-dynamos-who-are-just-OK-on-record Alabama Shakes, the hit-and-miss Fun and the excruciatingly cute The Lumineers. (Really, “Ho Hey” is one of the worst songs of the year.) I would be lying if I said I knew much about country singer Hunter Hayes, so he gets a pass.

2.    A big revelation from Taylor Swift
Her latest album “Red” isn’t as bad as you think, and perhaps the Grammy performer will use her time on stage to announce which 12 people she actually is dating (contrary to the 45 others she’s only rumored to be seeing). I’m betting on, I don’t know, John Stamos.

3.    Fun’s “We Are Young” loses Song of the Year
Obviously, “Song of the Year” is a songwriting award (as opposed to Record of the Year), and “We Are Young” is simply an atrocious song. Choppy and shamelessly vapid, it’s a track that blatantly was written to be a sing-along hit, and we all know how that turned out. (For the record, I like “Some Nights” and much of Fun’s first album.)

4.    Justin Timberlake’s highly anticipated performance sets every TV on fire (figuratively)
With that much excitement and plenty of viewers breathing heavily, televisions just might not be able to contain all that heat. Though anyone else think new track “Suit and Tie” is just OK?

5.    Rihanna shocks the world with a quiet, restrained performance while wearing an extremely conservative dress. At this point, the over-the-top stuff is exactly what we expect.

6.    Many people discover R&B singer/multiple nominee Miguel
His “Kaleidoscope Dream” is one of the best 2012 albums you probably don’t have.

7.    The concept of a “special performance” by Alicia Keys and Maroon 5 proves to be quite the exaggeration. Adam Levine’s voice will mesh with Keys like mustard on cake.

8.    Leading up to his performance, Jack White spends days at a tanning salon to ensure that his name and paleness no longer serve as a bitter irony.

9.    LL Cool J, who is hosting for the second consecutive year, will make sure to identify himself as a formerly relevant musical artist, not just the star of “NCIS: Los Angeles” and “Deep Blue Sea.” Though he should definitely mention that last one too.

10.    In her acceptance speech for Best Alternative Music Album, Fiona Apple (whom I love, don’t get me wrong) admits that she’s finally happy and excited to make her next album of sunny songs about love and bunnies. Fans worldwide plot ways to depress her again.

Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Friday at 6:55 a.m. on WCIU, the U

mpais@tribune.com

 

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye's Facebook page.

 

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • 'Furious 7': At this point, you know, whatever
    'Furious 7': At this point, you know, whatever

    Muscular, perpetually mumbling bowling pin Dominic Toretto (Human Aggro Crag Vin Diesel) doesn’t just prefer Corona, the beach-branded standard of Mexican beer-flavored water. He won’t even consider trying a Belgian Trappist ale, widely regarded as being among the world’s...

  • '5 to 7' is hot and bothered
    '5 to 7' is hot and bothered

    Not long after hordes of viewers hungry for some good, clean (dirty) spanking action flocked to “Fifty Shades of Grey,” a smaller, better movie comes along that actually contains, you know, passion between its characters.

  • 'While We're Young' is hilariously wise
    'While We're Young' is hilariously wise

    That’s so old-fashioned, Cornelia (Naomi Watts) remarks warmly when 20-somethings Jamie (Adam Driver) and Darby (Amanda Seyfried) say that they’re married. Then they add that their wedding took place in a water tower to the sounds of a mariachi band. And there was a slip...

  • Where do Emanuel, Garcia stand on the issues?
    Where do Emanuel, Garcia stand on the issues?

    Chicago's April 7 runoff election is looming, and there are plenty of people undecided about whether they'll hand Mayor Rahm Emanuel another term or go with the new guy—Cook County Commissioner Jesus "Chuy" Garcia. So we've rounded up the top issues and where the candidates stand to...

  • McDonald's raising its minimum wage, but some say it's not enough
    McDonald's raising its minimum wage, but some say it's not enough

    McDonald's plans to raise starting wages by $1 above the local minimum at select restaurants, just one of the changes on tap as the world's largest fast-food chain tries to win back customers and fend off a union-backed effort to raise pay throughout the industry.

  • Teen who got controversial heart transplant dies in crash during police chase
    Teen who got controversial heart transplant dies in crash during police chase

    An Atlanta area teenager who said a heart transplant two years ago gave him a second chance at life died this week when he lost control of the car he was driving while fleeing police, according to police records.

Comments
Loading