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'The Collection' review: Cruel, depressingly usual punishment

Zero stars (out of four)

For what it's worth, metal really turns in a top-notch performance in “The Collection.” Among countless, insanely intricate killing devices, not one malfunctions. They brutally punish every human in sight, with each squish of blood and crush of bone cranked to 11 for maximum entertainment.

Oh, right, this sort of gruesome, miserable torture porn isn't remotely entertaining. Yet here we go again in this totally unjustified sequel to the mediocre 2009 horror flop “The Collector,” in which a masked killer known as the Collector demonstrates astonishing skill at elaborately rigging heavy contraptions in high, complicated positions. This allows him to massacre an entire club of dancing hotties shortly after Elena (Emma Fitzpatrick) spots her boyfriend with another woman (The scene, aside from the dead bodies, reminded me of the “Saved by the Bell” episode when Jeff cheats on Kelly.)

The Collector also sets up in an entire abandoned hotel, where he houses his collection of humans, to look like it was the set of “Saw.” Which it probably was, since “The Collection” director/co-writer Marcus Dunstan wrote the final four appalling “Saw” movies.

The hotel is so remote that one character notes “even rats won't [bleep] on it.” Yet when our hero, Arkin (Josh Stewart), whose disturbing catchphrase suggests he really wants to eat someone's heart, deliberately and carelessly shoots a homeless man, an ambulance appears within seconds. Followed by a S.W.A.T. team. Sigh.

Many movies are stupid and make no sense. The suspense-free, deeply unpleasant “The Collection,” which sort of but not really includes zombies and contains no concept of where one room is in relation to another, pummels and bloodies numerous base aspects of competent filmmaking and worthwhile moviegoing. It's trash that makes your mind wander to questions like, “Does the Collector hire a service to clean up all that mess? Does he take off his mask to shower? Or wash it?”

Very clearly, no one involved in “The Collection” has any awareness of when something stinks.

Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Friday at 6:55 a.m. on WCIU, the U

mpais@tribune.com

 

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