Matt Pais, @mattpais
RedEye movie critic
March 19, 2012
Sure, the publicist tells me that longtime Muppets writer Jim Lewis crafted the answers to questions I emailed to Kermit and Miss Piggy in advance of the March 20 Blu-ray/DVD release for "The Muppets." I choose to ignore that and believe that the beloved characters responded personally. The answers are so perfectly them, how could they have been composed by a human?
What celebrity cameo in "The Muppets" most excited you and why? Tell me what you said to each other.
So many incredible stars showed up to be in our movie, I want to thank them all. But I really have to say that having Jack Black in the movie was a special thrill, especially since he had to be tied to that chair so we could finish filming. What did we say to each other? Well, I said “sorry” and he said something about legal action. Thanks, Jack!
If people can only see one movie next week, why should it be "The Muppets" and not "The Hunger Games"?
I don’t like to pit movies against each other like that. Why not just go to two movies? But, if you’re in the mood for laughs, music and a feel good story that will make you smile all day long, you should see “The Muppets” on Blu-ray and DVD March 20th. If you want to see a movie about being hungry, see “The Hunger Games”.
Jason Segel was thrilled to write a movie for you. If you wrote a movie for him, what would it be about?
Good question. If I wrote a movie for Jason, it would be a sports movie. He’d play a struggling boxer who fights his way to the title, and we could call it “Raging Bullfrog”. Whaddayathink?.... Funny, that’s just what the studio said when I pitched it. Sheesh!
Since you are green, what do you do to embody St. Patrick's Day? What traditions do you have?
Well, St. Patrick’s Day is easy for me. Since I’m green all I have to do is walk around naked. (I don’t recommend this to non-amphibians.) As for traditions, my only one is to never wear one of those “Kiss Me I’m Irish” buttons. Not because I mind getting kissed, but when you’re walking around naked, boy does that pin hurt.
Who are your final four picks, and how difficult is it to watch the NCAA tournament without throwing up your hands and wailing every two minutes?
I actually don’t have Final Four picks; I’m still kinda sad that the TCU Horned Frogs didn’t make it this year. But that doesn’t mean I don’t throw my hands up in the air and wail every two minutes – whether or not I’m watching the NCAA tournament.
Who is the mother on "How I Met Your Mother"? If Jason Segel didn't tell you, who do you think it is?
Miss Piggy. Jason didn’t say that, but you’ve got to admit it would surprise the heck out of everyone…..even her.
When you were young, what did Nanny look like from the neck up? Compare her to a current celebrity.
I signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I can’t tell you that. However, I will say that she sounded an awful lot like June Cleaver.
Which Muppet is the most difficult to make a movie with and why?
Tough question. With the exception of Kermit, they’re all difficult. Why? Well, just look at them – they’re weird, noisy, chaotic, out-of-control and obviously know nothing about haute couture or personal style. On the other hand, that also applies to a lot of other stars in Hollywood, so I go with it. It’s all part of being in show biz.
Jason Segel says he thinks the puppets in his house are why he's still single. But Muppets are awesome. Why aren't they attracting more prospects for him?
Well, I think there are a number of other reasons Jason is still single. Part of it is height. The man is tall. A girl has to wear 16 inch heels to come up to his chin. As for puppets, I have no idea why that would scare someone away. I think it’s time for Jason to look in the mirror...just as soon as I’m done with it.
How much do you feel your life has been impacted by having "Piggy" in your name? Most other Muppets aren't named after their species.
I think that moi has defined the name rather than the other way around. I am “Miss Piggy” and no one else can make that claim – at least not without incurring major legal fees and a possible karate chop to the midsection. As for my species, I’m very proud of who I am…even though the Motion Picture Academy seems to have a real problem giving Oscars to stars outside their species.
If you and Kermit were to get married, would you go by Mrs. Piggy or Miss Piggy the Frog?
Are you planning to buy moi a present? If so, don’t wait for the wedding, I’ll take it now. Name-wise, I will always be “Miss Piggy” – moi has a lot of brand equity invested in that moniker, so to speak.
Normally when people party too hard on St. Patrick's Day they turn a little green. So how can you tell when it's time for Kermit to go home?
Kermit doesn’t drink…except for the occasional grasshopper. And as far as I’m concerned, the greener he gets, the more I like it.
You appeared last season on "Top Chef." What would you want to do if you could spend a day with Padma?
Padma and moi have already spent several days together and it was fabulous. We went shopping and eating…and between her job and mine, we were able to get someone else to pay for the whole thing!
Has there been a time when you sat down to a meal and accidentally ate bacon, and what did you do? If not, what would you do if that happened?
What kind of question is that? Would you ask that kind of question to Meryl Streep or Julia Roberts? I don’t think so! I try to be understanding, but when you ask me such a thing I…well…I get so emotional I just don’t know what to do…..and then….I get angry. And you shouldn’t get me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Hiiiiiiiiii-yaaaaaaaa!!!!!
….There, does that answer your question? Good. Get well soon!
Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Friday at 7:30 a.m. on WCIU, the U
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