Matt Pais, @mattpais
RedEye movie critic
March 15, 2012
* (out of four)
Before explaining anything about the largely joke-free comedy “The FP,” let’s go to the numbers.
2: Number of used condoms thrown
78: Approximate number of times someone is called “bitch”
396: Estimated number of times white people call each other the N-word, which is apparently extra funny because one character claims he is “Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished.” Take note of the acronym for that phrase. Or don’t.
Riffing on ‘80s dance movies like “Breakin’” that no one takes seriously in the first place, “The FP” also doesn’t seem to realize that no one has talked about Dance-Dance Revolution since, I don't know, Justin Timberlake left 'N Sync. So centering a near-futuristic sci-fi/action flick around a dance video game called Beat-Beat Revelation, which can kill a player who loses badly enough, isn't that clever. Ditto for the game spouting lines like “mad whack” and the multiple training montages the film uses to reference the widely known abundance of training montages in movies like this.
Get it? “The FP” means to be terrible, and it is. Co-writer/co-director Jason Trost stars as eye patch-wearing JTRO, who swears off Beat-Beat Revelation after it kills his brother. Needless to say, JTRO makes a comeback to avenge his brother and calm tensions between rival factions warring over control of a liquor store in the small town of Frazier Park. People talk repeatedly about street cred and say “For realz,” which I can only assume the script spellz with a z.
The “South Park” episode about a deadly dance-off kills me. “The FP” offers morons in fingerless gloves and neon who barely know what they're joking about. If you give this garbage 80 minutes of your life, you deserve to get served.
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