By Dana Moran, @redeyedanaRedEyeUpon realizing that I've perhaps grown too old and fat for my bikinis of yore, I went on a quest for one of those ruched Bettie Page numbers that makes everyone look like a 1940s sex goddess. I found what I was looking for. But oh, dear reader, I found so much more. Here are some of the most hideous swimsuits on the Internet that you can buy RIGHT NOW.
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