By Kyra Kyles aka The Kyles Files
11:41 AM CDT, June 14, 2011
You hear those sirens? It's the Kyles Files providing Law & Order service for my pop peeps. Some celebrities are acting like buffoons to such a degree, I had to roll out the pop paddywagon and make some arrests.
Here's who I picked and these are their charges:
Soulja Boy Tell 'em:
Soulja, Soulja, Soulja....you really shouldn't talk if you aren't on a stage. In the past, you've indicated slavery wasn't so bad, insulted the lyricism of Lupe Fiasco for no clear reason and sold your soul to 50 Cent-- a clearly negative influence. Let's not even talk about your antics with groupie/snitch Katt Stacks. But now you done up and done it. I fully understand that you were mad when a group of racists came onto your Facebook page and wrote vile comments. Believe me, I'd like to give some knuckle sandwiches to some Kyles Files trolls. But...and this is a big but, you did not have to defend yourself calling people white f-words. Oh what, you were hacked a la Weiner? Get outta here with that bull. Unless Julian Assange accepts credit for the hack, I don't believe you.
Status: Book him, and he will await trial for the (ahem) hacking
Though I wanted to run this would-be rapper in for that terrible viral "Gucci Gucci Gucci" garbage, her offense to the pop public is dropping the n-bomb on Twitter. To quote her (sorta), here is what the West Coast artist, who is white, Tweeted: People are actin so funny omg lol. I got 200k views. Not 200k dollars. WTF you want from a n****a?
Though I disdain the n-word coming from the mouths of anyone, I can see why Kreayshawn might have set off some alarms. But she does come from a generation for whom the n-word is just something that rappers say a lot. It's a disconnect, to be sure, but she was literally quoting DMX. I'm not really defending her and she gets a side-eye for defending the word (a sharp contrast to fellow rapper, Yelawolf, but due to the generational and direct quote thing, I say we:
Status: Let off with a warning
It's good to see Morgan repenting for his actions, though I have a strong suspicion it is part of a plea deal with Tina Fey who probably reminded him that he'd better step off the ranting and raving against gays lest he lose a job where he plays an only slightly tweaked version of himself. That is the only explanation for a startling turnaround that has him offering to protest against anti-gay activities. Don't be surprised if you see him in the Pride Parade this year.
Status: Charges dropped, but he is on the watch list.
Eric Bolling, Fox Business Host:
He has apologized for getting "fast and loose" with language, which includes referring to the Obama White House as the "hizzy" and seemingly black dignitaries and visitors as "hoods." Yeah. That goes well beyond fast and loose, especially since this isn't the first time the Fox business host has dipped into urban dictionary to describe a sitting President. He once Tweeted that Obama was "chugging 40s in IRE while tornadoes ravage MO.
Status: Book him, and he will go to trial, especially if he uses the term "in the heezy for sheezy" when describing the next White House visit
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