Elliott Serrano, for Redeye
September 24, 2013
It’s Week Three of the Survivor League where my arch rival – and Chicago’s #1 White Sox Fan – Soxman and I go up against each other in fantasy football. Last week saw Soxman boasting as he had a great week while I only managed a pair of wins. This week, while we both went undefeated, Soxman still holds bragging rights since he has leapt to the top of the standings in our league. Was it a result of luck, skill or the good-will of his fellow fantasy players? Read on and see for yourself:
SOXMAN: Well, Week 3 was another TD fest for both of us in fantasy football. >Ahem< That would be” TD” of both the Touch Down but more importantly Total Dork variety, as our teams had the top two scores in the league!
So as Elliott puts on his Miyagi Do Karate outfit and endlessly practices crane kicks at imaginary thugs dressed in skeleton costumes, raise the Karate Kid montage music “You’re the Best,” sir.
This week was a Brees for you, literally. Thoughts?
ELLIOTT: Yes, my faith in Drew Brees was finally rewarded when he exploded for a 27 point game and carried me to a 3-0 record this week. Funny thing is that while Phillip Rivers only scored 8 points sitting on my bench, Jets QB Geno Smith scored 27 just like Brees. No matter who I start, I always have a QB scoring big points sitting on my bench.
Waiver pick-up James Starks proved to be as useless as Robb Stark at a wedding, gaining very few yards ater getting injured early in the game. That should teach me to not pick players from the Packers anymore. Even Aaron Rodgers’ game smelled like stinky cheese.
Luckily for me, Peyton Manning had cooled off relatively and couldn’t match my QB in points. He also allowed his kicker to actually KICK FIELD GOALS for once, making Matt Prater the second leading scorer on my team.
SOXMAN: Congrats on taking my advice and starting Matt Prater over Robbie Gould. Unlike me, I’m guessing you weren’t watching Monday Night Football. Instead you were likely watching (or better yet drooling) over the Total Divas 8-man tag team match on Monday Night Raw.
Then again with each field goal, I bet you were jumping around your living room in your Yoda underoos, doing your best Daniel Bryan impression, jolting both arms in the air screaming: “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Yes?
First, I have this thing called a “remote control” which allows me to switch channels and watch two shows at once. So whenever CM Punk isn’t on the screen, I’ll click over to football - and watch my kicker add to what was an already impressive league score - or General Hospital to see what those crazy kids in Port Charles are up to.
A.J. was robbed in the Divas match, anyway. She told Stephanie McMahon that the other Divas didn't like her and Steph didn't listen! End rant.
Second, you seem obsessed with the idea of me in my underwear; which makes me reconsider that invitation to your slumber party in the “Sox Cave” with Batboy.
And third, they’re Boba Fett boxers, not Yoda. I’m not worthy of Yoda boxers yet.
At least I wasn’t the one having trouble with my droid.
SOXMAN: Very funny, ya’ scruffy lookin’ nerf herder. Yes, my wins didn’t come without a little controversy this week. In geek speak; there was debate over whose name this fantasy football wizard threw into the Goblet of Fire at the quarterback position. For people who play fantasy football on CBS Sports and use their Android App, I found a glitch that essentially moved two starting QBs into my line-up. Now I know why there was such excitement over the “glitch” in Wreck it Ralph.
ELLIOTT: I was afraid you were gonna go Turbo on us there, especially after Michael Vick flamed out as I predicted he would last week. I’ll hand it to you though; playing Russell Wilson over Vick was a gutsy move, even though your droid tried to keep you from making the switch. Since you’ve always been a stand-up guy – for a Sox fan – your fellow league members allowed you to keep Wilson and drop Vick, which in the end paid off big time.
As for my QB conundrums, I’m not sure if I wanna stick with Brees against Miami next week, or give Rivers a shot as he goes up against Dallas. I have this feeling that the Dallas “D” is Fool’s Gold for fantasy owners.
My running back situation is pretty bleak too. Bears RB Michael Bush isn’t getting near the touches I was hoping he’d get, with starter Matt Forte getting all the scoring chances. That one goal-line score Bush got this weekend ended up on my bench too. Sad trombone.
It looks like running backs just aren’t the premium that they once were in the NFL. After cutting loose the bust that was Maurice Jones-Drew, I'll be combing the waiver wires for another I guess.
SOXMAN: So as we head into week IV, I’m not sure what I’m more excited over: the possible return of Rob Grankowski; the series premiere of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.; or to watch Elliott try and make a light saber as part of his Star Wars Jedi training. (Why did I just picture Mickey Mouse doing his patented laugh as you fumble through it? Damn Disney!!!!)
ELLIOTT: I’ve got a long way to go before I get to that point, Soxy. First I need to get into “Jedi shape” which means I’m a good 30 lbs. away from that. Folks who wanna follow me as I go through the GeekFit Jedi Training Challenge should check out the FaceBook Page I set up for it.
"Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." is gonna rock, but what has me jazzed the most is the series finale of "Breaking Bad". I have a feeling that this is gonna be one of the best series finales ever, unlike the one for LOST which sucked baboon butt.
As for our fantasy league, the good news is that my team is finally out of the cellar at the top of the standings in my division at 5-4.
The bad news is that only one win/loss separates 1st place from last, so next week is gonna be an important one if you wanna stay in the running. Our round-robin, play-3-teams-a-week style makes for some crazy ups-and-downs if you ask me.
And everyone is looking up at YOU, Mr. Fancy Sox, with your 8-1 record. Which makes me wonder: for all your talk about Brian Moore, were you just pulling a "Senator Palpatine", creating a “phantom menace” so you could maneuver yourself into a position of power?
Have YOU become the Evil Empire, Soxman? Well…HAVE YOU?
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