Elliott Serrano, for Redeye
September 17, 2013
Continuing our weekly discussion/trash talk over our fantasy football league, Chicago's #1 White Sox Fan - Soxman - gets to gloat some more after going 3-0 this week. I lament over Phillip Rivers and the FF bust that is Maurice "Why Didn't Jay Cutler Play On An Injured Knee?" Jones-Drew:
Soxman: Week two showed that it doesn’t get any better than the NFL. Ahem, that would be the NERD Football League. Elliott finally scores (relax Geek To Me loyalists, I’m not talking about a Big BANG Theory type of score). Elliott’s “Comix Warriors” get into the win column going 2-1. How does it feel to follow in Soxman’s footsteps? (Play the Curt Henning “Mr. Perfect” Theme as I was PEFECT this week).
Elliott: You wish you could be so good. Right now the only undefeated team in our league – called “Who Wants Some” - is headed up by two ladies who’ve fallen into some of the most astounding beginner’s luck I’ve ever seen. The opening week they had Peyton Manning throw SEVEN TDs to help them steamroll the rest of the league. The following week Manning cooled off – relatively – but the Broncos DST scored them 14 points!
Oh, if only I hadn’t left Phillip Rivers sitting on my bench…
Soxman: (Pointing at you and laughing like Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons) HA-ha!
Well, despite your numerous texts on Sunday throwing Phillip Rivers 3 TD performance in my face, I just twerk and twist at your arrogance singing Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me a River as I refuse to take my comments back. I still say that like you in every romantic situation you’ve ever been in (aside from that sock you “borrowed” from me - yes you can keep it), Rivers won’t keep up this pace. Beyond the Rivers regret, why on earth do you continue to start Robbie Gould over Matt Prater? You do know that he kicks for the Denver Broncos where Peyton Manning and not Tim Tebow has been quarterback in Denver for two years now right?
Elliott: Since you mentioned the sock, thanks but I never needed it. I was a bit put off that they were Justin Bieber socks with little hearts all over them. A gift from Batboy perhaps?
Anyway, to answer your Prater question, I started the Broncos kicker last week and got NOTHING BUT EXTRA POINTS from him. I figured that Cutler wouldn't be so greedy for TD passes and settle for field goals now and then. Turns out that Gould would score the same number of points that Prater did last week.
Starting Drew Brees over Rivers has lost me big points two weeks in a row. And Maurice Jones-Drew has been as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Ever since he dissed Jay Cutler on Twitter he’s been a bust. Karma perhaps?
I’m declaring MJD as this season’s Chad Johnson.
Soxman: Before we close this week’s blog battle, I have to say that I feel like Eminem in 8-Mile, where he rapped about everything his opponent was going to slam him on and then dropped the mic. So in that tradition I know what you are going to hit me with, so TAKE THIS…
So yes I did make the league’s first trade, so go ahead and show me your geek tirade.
No, it wasn’t a Jedi mind trick to land Spiller, Graham and quarterback Michael Vick.
I know grabbing Vick might anger some fans, but building a Death Star requires “Empirical” plans.
Remember sometimes alliances can be a chore,
But we do what it takes to beat Dr. Doom aka the Red Eye’s Brian Moore.
Elliott: I saw that trade cross the wires and figured that you finally met someone more desperate than Adam Dunn at the plate. On the surface, it looks like you made a good deal, but methinks that Vick is gonna have another run at the DL after getting beat up. Ironically, that would hurt my chances as I have Eagles WR DeSean Jackson in my starting lineup. He came alive this weekend after a ho-hum opening week.
Just be warned Soxman, that when you lie down with Ewoks, you wake up with fleas.
And considering that Brian and I are looking up at you from the bottom of the standings, there may be a changing of alliances in the making.
Cue the Emperor’s music…
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