Entertainment Dating

Entertainment Entertainment Dating

Advice: Can I support gay marriage but not marriage in general?

Is it possible to support same-sex marriage at the same time that I don't support marriage in general? I respect and love my gay friends and certainly wouldn't want to deny them any of their rights, but I've never believed in marriage as an institution, and I find myself at odds. --Confused but Hopeful

Dear Confused,
For those of you who have missed all the hullabaloo and the red equality signs on Facebook and Twitter, the Supreme Court has been hearing two gay rights cases this week: Prop. 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act. The outcomes may affect the rights of gay people dramatically. Most notably it will affect my willingness to keep buying straight people bath towels for their weddings. Seriously, people. The gays have stocked your closets! Won't you let us come out of ours?

That said, you can absolutely hold both beliefs. You can be against marriage as a concept but in favor of equality, which is really what this issue is about anyway. Marriage is almost a red herring at this point. What's really being argued is why gay people, who are tax-paying citizens of the U.S., are being denied equal protection under the law. As the 14th Amendment makes pretty damn clear:

"No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States ... nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

The 14th Amendment, you'll remember from high school Civics class, is why schools aren't allowed to be racially segregated, and why an Asian can marry a Latino (or any interracial combination) without, like, Armageddon happening.

You can want to support your queer friends and loved ones, but also find it strange that there are 1,000+ benefits married people incur from the simple act of saying "I do." I certainly do. And I wish there was a better way to get things like social security benefits, health insurance, immigration privileges, child rearing and hospital rights without the yoke of the marriage contract, but sadly, that's not the reality in which we currently live.

Many queer people feel the same way that you do and are conflicted on the issue of marriage (my own girlfriend doesn't believe in marriage--but if SCOTUS decides to kill DOMA and Prop. 8, it's not going to impinge on anyone's right to NOT get married if they don't want to. No one's going to tie tin cans to your Chevy while you sleep or sign you up for a registry at CB2.

So in short, yes, feel free to rail against the heteronormative, patriarchal, outdated institution of marriage. Just make sure you do so while also waving a tiny rainbow flag and wearing a sombrero. You know, just to keep things interesting.

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com.  Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye's Facebook page

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • Advice: Throw the dating rules out

    Advice: Throw the dating rules out

    I like this guy and we see each other around a lot and talk sometimes but should I be all old-fashioned and wait around for him or grow some and ask him?--Waiting

  • Bold predictions for Lolla 2015

    Bold predictions for Lolla 2015

    The Lolla schedule is sort of like the NCAA tournament: there are millions of possible combinations, and it’s anyone’s guess what the winning picks will be. With that in mind, we make some bold predictions about how this year’s fest (returning to Grant Park Fri.-Sun.) will turn out. Breakout artist...

  • 2010 killing of Chicago cop detailed at trial; man claims self-defense

    2010 killing of Chicago cop detailed at trial; man claims self-defense

    The man on trial in the killing of Chicago police Officer Thor Soderberg hated police and surprised the officer as he changed out of his uniform at shift end and placed his duty belt down, a Cook County prosecutor alleged Monday.

  • Aldermen to hold hearing on untested rape kits

    Aldermen to hold hearing on untested rape kits

    Chicago aldermen on Monday called on police officials to provide information on how quickly rape kits are being tested by the state crime lab, part of a largely symbolic effort to determine whether a large backlog is hampering work to apprehend rapists.

  • Alderman's 'Chi-raq' criticism falls flat

    Alderman's 'Chi-raq' criticism falls flat

    A South Side alderman's effort to tweak filmmaker Spike Lee for using "Chi-raq" as the title for a movie about Chicago violence fell flat Monday with his colleagues.

  • ComEd to hold energy fairs to help low-income customers

    ComEd to hold energy fairs to help low-income customers

    Commonwealth Edison will hold energy fairs at satellite locations across the region Monday in order to get money to thousands of people struggling to pay their electricity bills in northern Illinois.

  • PAWS Chicago "Muttshots!"

    PAWS Chicago "Muttshots!"

    These adorable pups are on the loose looking for a place to call home. They have a warrant out for their arrest. Their crime? Being irresistibly cute and cuddly. If you're interested in adopting any of these dogs, please visit www.pawschicago.org for more information.

  • Wabash Lights exceeds Kickstarter goal, hopes to begin test this fall

    Wabash Lights exceeds Kickstarter goal, hopes to begin test this fall

    The designers of an ambitious plan to install colorful LED lights on the underside of the Wabash Avenue "L" tracks raised almost $60,000 in a Kickstarter campaign that will allow them to move forward with a test of the project.

Comments
Loading

76°