Queer & confused: 'I find myself wondering if I'm somehow straight after all'

I'm 29 years old, and I've been out and totally happy living as a queer person since I was about 21. I had only dated queer women since I came out, although I knew I was open to other possibilities. My sex life is pretty polyamorously perverse, and I tend to connect with people on a lot of levels besides gender and physical sex, so you know, whatever. But still, last year I surprised no one more than myself when I ended up in a fairly lengthy relationship with a boy—a sort of queer boy, to be sure, but a boy nonetheless. I felt incredibly awkward because no matter how non-traditional, non-straight our relationship was on the inside, it automatically got read as totally straight by the outside world. Throw into the mix that my physical appearance has gotten to be what would be termed sort of femmey over the years, and all of a sudden I was feeling really invisible as a queer person.

Anna Pulley, @annapulley

October 27, 2011