Is anyone at the bar really looking for love?

Anna Pulley gives tips for finding someone who's looking for more than a one-night stand.

Anna Pulley gives tips for finding someone who's looking for more than a one-night stand. (HOANG DINH NAM / AFP / Getty Images / August 1, 2012)

Dear Anna,

Is it possible to meet somebody in a lesbian bar who's interested in more than a one-night stand? How do you do it? —Anon.

Dear Anon.,

Is it possible to meet someone in a lesbian bar and not end up in a three-year relationship? ‘Cause I’ve never seen it work the way you describe it.

Kidding (a little)! Of course, not every patron in a given bar—lesbian or otherwise—is solely interested in getting in somebody’s pants. Some people are looking for relationships, some are trying to mute the crippling loneliness of existence, some are there to watch WNBA games because they don’t have cable and one girl is there because she likes to be surrounded by dreamcatchers.

But how do you differentiate those looking for fireworks from those looking to merely go out with a bang? Follow these simple tips.

>> Avoid pursuing anyone who is doing multiple shots of Jager. Anyone who has decided to get rip-roaring drunk, especially if it’s on a weeknight, probably is not doing so in order to meet their No. 1 Soul Mate Forever. Instead, they are far more likely to meet the asphalt in the alley behind the bar, where they’ve fallen over while trying to urinate. This isn’t to say that a long-term relationship can’t sprout from a drunken hookup, just that it’s far more unlikely. Plus, anyone doing more than one Jager shot probably is 21 and still in their “mistakes are my co-pilot” phase of sexual development. Avoid them for the next five or six years.

>> Are you at a bar (or gay ladies night) where the music is so loud that you can only make out every third word your would-be paramour is saying and half the attendees have removed much of their clothing? Go to a different bar. If basic conversation is a challenge, you’re not going to get very far in the do-we-have-chemistry? department, and possibly in the do-we-have-our-shirts-where-did-our-shirts-go? department.

>> Lastly, and perhaps most obviously, don’t go home with anyone. If you’re not interested in a one-night stand, don’t invite that hot stranger over, even if it’s under the guise of playing a engrossing round of Cranium or showing her your diverse collection of “Harry Potter” T-shirts. (Nobody plays Cranium with two people.) If you’re clicking at the bar, then exchange numbers or Tumblr accounts (or whatever you kids are doing these days) and call it a night. Or take it one step further and make plans for a future date in the sober light of day. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t make out or get physical if the opportunity arises, just a reminder that it’s not that hard to avoid a one-night stand if you a) want to and b) are not impaired by multiple Jager shots.

Good luck, Anon.! May you present only DTF vibes (Down To French) until you are ready for something more.

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com. Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.
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