Anna Pulley, @annapulley
RedEye's sex columnist
12:39 PM CST, February 20, 2013
I’m a bi male who mostly has experience dating women, but after my last breakup am into exploring my options more with men. I’ve been on a few OkCupid dates with guys but don’t have a ton of experience. How much do I need to disclose to potential guy dates about my sexuality?--Can’t Bi Me Love
There are a few hard and fast dating disclosure rules: STD status, marital status, if you have children, if you’ve served time in prison, and if you own any Nickelback albums. But most of what we disclose about ourselves on dates falls into a murkier grey area.
The best advice I can give is unfortunately vague: Disclose what feels comfortable, when it feels comfortable. If you’re not feeling the chemistry with someone, then there’s no need to get personal and, like, detail your food allergies or recount the one time you tried butt-chugging. If, however, the subject comes up and you’re feeling the vibes, then you’re welcome to throw it out there that you’re relatively new to the dude-dating game.
While some guys might balk at your low blow job quota, others might find it enticing--after all, schooling the inexperienced is something that really gets some people off. Treat it like it’s no big deal and it’ll be received that way. It’s not like you’re admitting you have leprosy or that you own the entire discography of William Shatner.
You might run into some biphobia on your dates, especially since male bisexuality is the misunderstood goth teen of the sex world. “It’s a phase! We’re all bisexual! Wait, no one’s bisexual! Bisexuals are sluts!” And on and on. On the off-chance that your lack of experience is seen as a deal-breaker, then at least you’ll know right away that that guy wasn’t right for you and you can move on.
If you’re approaching OkCupid for more casual encounters, you probably won’t need to delve into your dating history at all. “You have a functioning penis? Great!” might be all the conversation you need to have. Though if there’s one thing I learned on my many, many OkCupid dates, it’s that OkCupiders love to talk about OkCupid. Rehashing OkCupid dates and experiences and horror stories is difficult to impossible to avoid; it’s like conversational herpes. So be prepared to derail that particular topic if you don’t want to discuss your past.
Remember also that you’ve got a disclosure platform at your disposal in the form of your OkCupid profile itself. If dudes can be all, “I’m the type to tell you my favorite candy is Skittles because I would love it if you brought me candy all the time,” and “I take life with a grain of salt … plus a slice of lemon … and a shot of tequila!” (true stories) then you have every right to be all, “Yo, new to this game, but not to analingus” or whatever. No big swig.
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