How to ask for more foreplay in bed

I'm 21 with a 26-year-old boyfriend. I'm getting frustrated because whenever I want sex, he either blows me off and promises we'll do it later, or f**ks me so fast I barely have time to say "a little to the left" before he's done, and I'm wondering what I did wrong. I just want a little foreplay. Is that too much to ask?

~He's Fast, I'm Furious


Is it too much to ask? Of course not, but you have to actually do the asking. I know, it seems weird to tell your boyfriend that sex should last longer than heating up a Hot Pocket, but well, stranger things have happened.

It sounds like your boyfriend is kind of a douche, and 26 is a tad late in the game for ATM-style f**king, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that you both need to talk it out. Like all worthwhile endeavors—again Hot Pockets come to mind—great sex takes patience and experience before you can truly start to reap all of its glorious benefits.

Where to start? Tell him what you want. You don't have to go into a lengthy diatribe. A simple, "slower," "tease me" or "kiss my neck" should get the ball rolling. If you want to build more foreplay heat, fool around in places where you can't actually have sex. Bars. Barns. Wherever. The point is to build the tension. Couch your critiques in compliments: "I love it when you go slow" or "It feels so good when you pay a lot of attention to my knees." Whatever your hot spots are, if he has a reason to pay attention to them (i.e. your praise) then he will pay attention to them.

If you are making the effort and he's not reciprocating, or at least trying to, then drop him like a Hot Pocket. You deserve better.

Have a question for Anna? Email redeyedating@gmail.com.
CHICAGO

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