Advice: Is it creepy to message my crush on Facebook?

I have met this girl a couple times and I find her to be very cute. The last time I ran into the girl, I got tongue-tied and didn't want to make myself look dumb. Now I was thinking that I could go and search for her on Facebook and see if I can do introduce myself that way. What do you think? Or should I go about it in another way?

—Lost and confused

It’s not the most direct route, but Facebook is a perfectly acceptable gateway to your crush’s heart. I know because I’ve done it m’self a few times. And once on Twitter!

I don’t really know the circumstances of your crush, but depending on how well you know this girl and how often you run into her, messaging her couldbe perceived as somewhat creepy. For instance, if you run into her often and she never remembers who you are, or you always sputter incoherently when you do, then not even the wittiest Facebook message will probably lead to nuptial bliss. If you have mutual friends, however, then use that as your “in.” If you have a mutual anything, really—a mutual class, a mutual neighborhood you live in, a mutual coffee shop you frequent, a mutual miniature horse fascination. Whatever. If you have something in common, you’re much less likely to skeeve a somewhat-stranger out.

Some first message topics to avoid:

Charles Manson
Love and/or your future progeny
Politics (unless you both work in that field)
How you’re 30 and have never been in a relationship
Exes
ReligionHow great she looks in that bikini picture from 2007 (or anything else that would indicate you’ve trolled her public images on FB)

Safe topics:

Pop culture references
The latest weird/annoying thing Facebook has done
Mutual friends/interests
Oprah
The weather
The CTA

Make sure your message is short, friendly and casual. Don’t apologize or call attention to your possible creep-deepery. Also, when I say short, I don’t mean, “Hey gurl, wuzzup?” and that’s it. Give her a reason to respond. Ask a benign, non-generic question, again, possibly relating to a common interest you share, or even something that clarifies the mumbling when you ran into her last time. If you’re in any way charming or witty, use that in your favor, but if not, no worries. Just be yourself and be polite. If she’s worth her weight in pixels, she’ll write back to you. If she doesn’t, write her off, and move your crushing elsewhere.

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