Entertainment Dating
Entertainment Entertainment Dating

The key to talking dirty during sex

My boyfriend and I are having sex. It's great sex. But lately he has wanted me to beg before he enters me. I don't know what to say. I try and try to come up with something he'd like. I beg by saying "master" but he doesn't want me to use master. He said it's a turn off. What should I say?—Clueless

What do you want, a script? Erotic dialogue costs extra, my friend. The advice part, however, is free. And as you no doubt know, beggars can't be choosers. Although, maybe you don't know that since you're asking me how to beg.

When it comes to dirty talk, simplicity is key. You're not crafting a novella, after all; you're merely setting the mood. In this case, the mood you're trying to set is one of submission. Throwing a "Good Sir, I prostrate myself before your grandiloquence" into sex tends to merely confuse people. (Hence, it would behoove you to never use flowery language like "behoove.") Stick to a few basic words. "Please" is classic, to the point, and very difficult to misinterpret.

If you really feel you're lacking in the dialogue department, MANY resources exist to aid you on your journey from Bashful Beginner to Pervy Proselytizer. One such "resource" is (and these are NSFW, of course) the Dirty Slang Dictionary, which is kind of wildly offensive to women (and dragons), but was created by someone named Mr. Doody, so I guess we should've seen that coming?

DirtySlang.com is another website aimed at increasing your carnal word knowledge. In addition to the usual, this site has a vast selection of food-related sex vocab, such as "stirring the macaroni," "cuffing the carrot," and "floating on an air biscuit." It even comes with lewd animated gifs, which are like the endangered bald eagles of the art world, and thus demand our respect. It also describes sex acts involving Communist leaders. Basically, be prepared to lose several hours of your life here.

If you want to be an overachiever, you can buy books on the topic, like "Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You on," or "Sultry Sex Talk To Seduce Any Lover," which is a mouthful of the non-erotic variety. The subtitle is: "Lust-Inducing Lingo and Titillating Tactics for Maximizing Your Pleasure." I hope these suggestions are helpful, because searching for them has ruined my Amazon book recommendations forever.

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com. 

Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating. Pick dates, not people.

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • STDs and sex: What you're obligated to disclose

    STDs and sex: What you're obligated to disclose

    This super dominant dude has been all into me the last couple days. He has a primary partner/girlfriend, and has been chatting me up/calling me/texting me. So we get down to the STD conversation, and turns out he won't play with me, not because I have herpes, but because one of my regular partners...

  • Wise to share bedroom desires on your online dating profile?

    Wise to share bedroom desires on your online dating profile?

    I broke up with my long-term boyfriend recently, and am thinking about re-activating my OkCupid account soon. One thing I discovered in my last relationship is that I'm interested in exploring kinkier sex, as long as it's with someone I trust. My question is: How can I convey this on my profile?...

  • A wife's denial leaves a husband hopeless

    A wife's denial leaves a husband hopeless

    I am very depressed and confused. I have been married 16 years. My wife has cheated on me several times in the past. She was laid off work for two years ago and started hanging at the local loser bar just about every day. This made me very upset. She told me it is to get "out of the house" and...

  • Male grooming 101: Is body hair a turnoff?

    Male grooming 101: Is body hair a turnoff?

    I was having lunch with some lady friends the other day and the topic of hair came up. They were discussing eyebrow threading, bikini waxes, etc., and it got me thinking. How important is male grooming? Besides tidying up the downstairs area, how big a turn-off are things like nose, ear, eyebrow,...

  • 'A Walk in the Woods' is soft and mushy

    'A Walk in the Woods' is soft and mushy

    Because “A Walk in the Woods” quickly wanders from a funny look at life at a crossroads to an obvious series of embarrassing nonsense and basic observations about nature and people, let’s just rattle off some things bumbling around my head during the movie:

  • Chicago beekeepers find mystery, meditation and honey at their hives

    Chicago beekeepers find mystery, meditation and honey at their hives

    You never know what you might find on a Chicago rooftop—a classy lounge, a chill patio, a collection of lawn chairs. But from the Loop to the neighborhoods, there are a few rooftops that are home to a different kind of buzz—the literal buzz of hundreds of thousands of honeybees.