Where'd the spark go? Are Democrats better in bed?

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Democrat party logo (September 25, 2010)

Dear Anna,

I have a relationship question. It’s hard to say, but here goes. I’ve been with my boyfriend since high school—I was 15 when I met him; he was 18. We’ve been through a lot of ups and down, and we now have a child. We make up and everything is fine for a couple of months, but I don’t feel that spark that I used to. We used to talk and laugh about anything every day, but not so much anymore. When he is with his guys, he makes conversation and laughs like we used to. I ask him why he doesn’t act like that around me, but he tells me every lie in the book. Is he not interested in me like before? Is his spark not there either? —Just A Simple Question

Dear JASQ,

Just a simple answer then: I’d say the odds are likely. You met when you were babies, and though you don’t say how old you are now, I imagine it’s been at least a few years since you started dating. We change and grow a lot during our teens and early 20s. Sometimes our relationships grow with us, but more often than not, they don’t. It sounds like you and your boyfriend may have outgrown each other.

But an even simpler answer is that you should be asking him these questions yourself. Tell him how you feel. Be frank with him. Only then can you both determine whether it’s time to move on, or whether there’s enough kindling left to make a new fire.

Dear Anna,

Who’s better in bed: Democrats or Republicans? —Elephants Never Forget

Dear ENF,

Democrats, duh. Our mascot is the ass! (Yes, I am walking right into that one.)

Dear Anna,

I’ve been seeing this guy for a two months. We typically have a couple of great dates on a good week, have great sex and then I don’t hear a word from him for a week, sometimes two. Is he a spy, or is he afraid of commitment? After his little hiatuses he comes back and things are like they were during our “on” weeks, so I know it’s not totally one-sided or anything. Still, what’s going on? —Secret Agent Man

Dear SAM,

A spy or commitment-phobic? Those definitely are the only two options that could explain this. We might also question whether he’s the owner of an exotic, diabetic lizard that requires ghastly amounts of time, affection and sugar-free food regurgitation, even though I am most certainly confusing that with the maternal habits of owls.

Or, oh, he’s dating another person. But I like your version better. Because in it, I out-spied the spy!

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com.